I really hate my life. Everytime I try I just always fail. I'm really hideous, very unattractive. I look like a freakin' transvestite donkey witch. I always have this permanent scowl look so people don't come near me.
I'm a stupid complete moronic douche bag that always seems to make an ass of himself infront of others. Whenever I try something it's almost certain that it would just make me look like a dork. I always embarrass myself even on small things. And so people make fun of me and shoves me away.
I have no skills. I'm no good at anything. Sports? I have asthma and very weak stamina. Tried doing some and unsurprisingly, I failed miserably. Music? No! How about the traditional book smart? Of course not. I suck. I'm always the last on my class. I try and try just doesn't cut it. I study hard but my other classmate that didn't even study get higher grades than me!
I have no friends! Literally! Yes I don't. And this perhaps affects me the most. People who doesn't have skills, talent or whatever at least have friends. They always do that's why they recover. I DON'T!!! I somehow repel people away it sucks so hard. Whenever I try to make friends it just doesn't last. They'll eventually find other people and ignore me completely.
I always try to think positive about making friends. Like in elementary. It was okay with me because I know I still have highschool. I entered highschool and ended it miserably. I'm still alone. But that still didn't crushed me because I know there's still college. But no! College is the worst! It's just keeps getting worst and worst for me! Now I completely accepted that I will be forever alone...yeah sounds funny but no. This is real life and I fail at it.
I just don't know what's wrong with me, I try to be myself it didn't work. I try NOT to be myself and it doesn't work...I just hate it. Maybe I really am destined to be alone.
Maybe I have few acquaintances but they're just that. The type of people who only talks and hang out with me because they always need something from me. Or when their "circle" is not around. And when their other friends is around I just get ditched and ignored. F***.
And a girlfriend? No! OF COURSE NOT! Who would like a retarded monkey looking freak like me anyway?! And I would really rather have friends. Because unlike a lover, you can't easily lose your friends...
Now I'm a forced loner. I grew to like being alone because society rejected me and I'm just sucking it up till whatever happened to me. I'm always depressed and suicidal. I completely give up. I'm almost done in college. I'm on my final year. My future uncertain, I would be lucky to have a job after graduation. I have a feeling that I will snap soon and finally have the courage to kill myself. I don't deserve this life. I'm just a burden and a waste of space anyway.
If anyone even bothered to read all the crap I wrote thanks. I just want to release it all. thanks.