I have been through hell and back as a kid and adult. I have felt unloved and unwanted by my mother most my life. She died a couple times in my mind until she really did. I don't have any regrets as I know I did the right things when my siblings whom I believe she favored did not. I was bounced around, sent away, exposed to a pervert, exchanged, misused, abused, enslaved, abandoned, ejected the morning after i graduated from high school, tormented, taunted and bragged about because I made it. I did not have a choice. I finished college because I did not know what else to do. Everything I owned was in my dorm room. Summer was so bad they allowed me to stay for free because I didn't have anywhere to go. my step dad said I could not stay with them and I couldn't even leave my things there. I accepted what I thought was love from all the wrong people including my step-dad supplier and I now understand I was molested. I wrote a book to heal. I loved so hard only I didn't know I was a jump off. He would eventually face charges of first & second degree assault, kidnapping and false imprisonment. I learned a valuable lesson as I fought to stay out of his trunk. You cant make somebody love you. You cant force them to love you. I would continue to live even though every breath I took was agony to my fractured ribs. I thrived although my blood sister hustled me and threaten to burn all I owned in the streets. My lived was spared from myself with a phone call from the Oprah Winfrey Show. Just when I didn't know what to do my parents accepted me back to their new home. There I found myself pushed the farthest. I would commence and consume the very pills my mother purchased to relieve me of pain. I would die in her new home but my last call to my sister which I recognize now as a cry for help would sent a mad man bursting through my door yelling " you want to die. You want to die". Yes I do thanks to you I say in my mind. After my time spent at the university I was going to live. I begin to thrive again. I worked as tech at a hospice still trying to finished college and learned the value of life. These men some gay were dying of aids. I finished my last shift with purpose and haven't looked back. I found my childhood sweetheart who knew and accepted me, finished college, started a family, earn six figures and travel the world on a whim. As my life started to change I was hated upon and treated like a atm. My mother a blind woman before she died never apologized but said "go baby go". because I thrived and my friends and family did not I felt isolated from them. I feel alone and wish we all could experience what I have. From sitting on the steps in the burbs to traveling across the country to Hawaii for the weekend. Yet and still hated upon. | |
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