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Ugly sad and depressed.

Posted by anonymous at March 14, 2012
Tags: Appearance  Attitude  2012 March  Sexuality

I am 22, male-gay. I am so ugly that I am worthless. No takes me seriously. I am disrespected or simply taken for granted. I am place in a very disadvantaged position wherein the world I live judges me on how I look physically. I can't enjoy my life because on how I look. I am made fun because of my condition. †I have a fat face with facial features that are too near each other. My eyebrows are sagging that it makes my eyes smaller. My nose doesn't have a bridge, it has a flat tip and wide alars. My lips are thick uneven and very disproportionate.†

My skin is full of imperfections. Acne, blackheads, whiteheads, ice pick scars, deep scars, spots, and unwanted facial hair and enlarged pores. I have cystic acne which is very hard to treat even with Accutane.†

My body is very disproportionate. Not muscular enough for a man's body. I have a big belly with tiny arms and legs. I have been working out for the past 5 years but my efforts proved to be ineffective.†

I want to enjoy my life. But I am restricted on the way I look. I can't look well in pictures and go out with friends because I can't look good because of my face and skin and I can't wear nice clothes because of my body. Why is the world like this? It is soo unfair for me to have these soo much problems to bear. I cry every night because I feel like I'm doomed, I am a useless garbage. No matter what I do I look disgusting and filthy. I am exhausted and aggravated by life. I have no friends and social life to speak of. I am gay. I don't want to have my own family because I have bad genes which might affect my offsprings and they might suffer the same fate as I did.†

I am considering cosmetic surgery and skin treatment very seriously now. But I'm scared of surgery and I can't afford it considering I have many problematic areas, facial features and body. I can maintain dermatological treatments to because of limited funds and hectic school schedule.†

What am I gonna do with my life? I am a useless trash, a sad desperate soul. This problem is too much for me to handle that I am seriously depressed and thinking of committing suicide.. But I'm scared of suicide so I wish every night while crying to die in my sleep instead.†

I can't say it enough that I'm sad. I'm depressed. I'm lonely. I am so insecure. I think I have a body dysmorphic disorder as a psychological effect of persistent cystic acne. I have an Adonis dysmorphic disorder because of my insecurities of my body.†

To other reading this, I might sound shallow. I am shallow. Everyone is. I wanna die right now.†

I blame my grandma for being ugly. I blame my grandpa for choosing her. I blame my father and mother for this acne. I blame my father for this body. I blame the person responsible for making me gay. I don't want to be gay. †This is too much! I am angry. More than I am sad depressed and lonely, I am angry for those responsible for my sufferings emotionally psychologically mentally and physically. My life is useless from the start. No one can love me because of my looks. I would never have a boyfriend.†

I want to cry and cry and cry but I can't cry any more tears. I'm so hurt., no one can help me.†


Votes:


Similar Entries:
? March 1, 2012
hate my life January 11, 2011
What do i have to live for? August 2, 2011
Im fuckin ugly July 24, 2011
if life would be different August 3, 2011



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 15,Mar,12 23:31

Jesus Loves you. Seek him.
By at 16,Mar,12 14:47

Islam offers inner-peace to you. It offers direct relationship between you and Allah Almighty.
By anonymous at 25,Aug,12 09:25

atheism.
By anonymous at 14,Feb,16 13:56 Fold Up

allah ackbar


By anonymous at 16,Mar,12 00:47

It don't matter if you're gay and ugly, having plenty of money is all what counts. Don't focus on the negative side, start working and save up instead. Money can give almost anything you want, even buy you the most handsome guy. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and blaming your parents for the fucked-up genes will only make you feel bad, even angry. You could always choose to quit giving your looks too much attention and live life with a brand new perspective is all what you need!


By anonymous at 16,Mar,12 01:23

Excuse me, but please ignore the comment stated before me(which completely disgusts me). Thousands of gay people go through depression or suicide everyday because their lives are filled with unsupporting family and friends, and they can't come out. Being gay is totally fine, and you should be proud of it.

I think everyone goes through their own image problem, and you are not alone in this matter(I also have a severe case of acne that stresses me out). Your mom, dad, grandma, or grandpa, who gave you (what you think are) horrible traits, each found a loving partner who loves them for who they are. You will find that special guy, just keep looking and don't be discouraged!
By anonymous at 16,Mar,12 11:16

Ignore you crater face! Go and seek psych. help cause you're clearly suffering from psychosis. what if the special guy you're saying didn't come along? Or if he did, realized gay couldn't even afford the bus fare he needed to go somewhere for a job? Tell me, who wants a peniless gay? Get somebody to slap you in the face twice to wake you up from your silly dreams.


By anonymous at 16,Mar,12 08:54

Here's what you do honeybooboo... You need to have a sex change it sounds like. Then you can wear makeup as well and cover your zits as well as you won't be gay anymore becuz u will be a woman and u will have that hotdog in your hole. And if your body is already more womanly looking and curvy then your well on your way to having a better life as the woman you always were!


By Truth at 16,Mar,12 16:01

It could be that you just smell like ass. You dip it in the browneye, well, you smell like ass, and no one likes assy smells. Also, no one likes a snow clown potato head who looks like he took a grenade to the face.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, well, not really, but anyway, you're pretty much fucked.
By Strange Kid to Truth at 03,Apr,13 22:38

Truth! Why must you be in a relationship with Broken?! Its not right, since I am the one who loves you and for some odd reason been stalking Mercy...-_-"
You and Mercy are the ones I love the most! XD
God, I need you badly!


By anonymous at 16,Mar,12 19:55

Please sweetheart my name is jennifer I am a 35 yr old mom with a 15 year old son and my heart aches that you feel that suicide is even n option for you...Everyone has a reason for being here..I have a story too while i was blessed with looks everything else in my life is fucked up maybe because of that...If you want to talk pls email me I think you just need a friend...fb me and let me know its you my name is jennifer santanello you can find me by my name...


By anonymous at 25,Mar,12 07:25

You should not be gay and maybe you wouldnt worry so much about your looks.


By anonymous at 07,Apr,12 16:16

Friend, stop thinking about ur look,u cant do much about it.
instead try to learn things by which u can earn money in future, with money u can bye joy.


By anonymous at 18,Apr,12 19:26

I know you can't help it, but stop obsessing over how you look. I'm not good-looking either and I doubt I will ever find a lover but you are giving your looks too much thought. You are letting it affect your perception of self to the extent that you think you're useless.

NO, you aren't useless. You might make a good writer. You may find solace in artistic areas which you can use as an outlet. And when I say that, I don't mean self-pity type of literature.

You need to find something you love doing that makes you feel good about yourself. You have a major issue with self-esteem. It's good to be concerned about body-image in order to take care of yourself but you're taking it to extreme proportions!


By anonymous at 30,Apr,12 06:59

I am actually considered very good looking. Im a woman...I just turned 40. I was adopted, so i compared my looks (blonde, Swedish, Anna Nicole-ish) to my siblings, who all of them are from my adopted parents. (Tiny, brunette, hazel eyed...given into expressions of dance and song in public. I privately nicknamed them the VONTRAPPS, after "The Sound Of Music" Anyway, I grew up feeling like a misfit. Although I might be considered pretty (although Im approaching an age when women are put out to pasture)I never felt right in my own skin. I attractted a lot of men in my time...but always thouroughly wrecked the relationships by my NEEDiness and subsusquent alcohol and or drug abuse. I have had guys give me the world, only to retract it later, after discovering what amess I am. It doesn't matter to much if u are pretty or ugly. You sound intelligent, at least self-aware, which is not a common den. in men these days. Take comfort in the fact its not because u are (or think) u r unattractive. It goes deeper. Work on the inside. heal. Or go balls out and fuck it up with alcohol, like yours truly


By anonymous at 06,May,12 11:13

I can't say I understand gay men.
but I do know it is different from drag queen.
so do you want to be a more attractive gay man or do you want to become a woman?


By anonymous at 20,Aug,12 21:19

i continue. I hate girls and women. Most of them are cruel evil selfish unfriendly materialistic heartless assholes. They ignore me. I DONT CARE. Fuck them. Vapid scum describes them.


By anonymous at 01,Sep,12 01:21

and my final message to all of you who harassed me are FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.


By hummekenl at 08,Dec,12 11:21

I am glad someone chose to sooner or later shed light on this. I have reflected on it from time to time.


By alienie at 21,Dec,12 04:15

i want to share my happiness with the general public of what Therapist Oniha has done for me,in the last few weeks i was once in love this guy called brutty were in love with each other until he traveled out of my state for two years and we promise ourselves to be together forever, but before return from my journey he where now having another lover,when i try to come back to him. He told me i should go away,i love him so much that i could not let him go just like that,then i told a friend about it and she advice me and recommend this man Oniha for me when i visit him at winexbackspell@gmail.com he only ask me to buy some items for sacrifices to help me get my ex back and he actually did it and it work well and today i am happy with my beloved and forever lover,in-case anyone is out there with same problem or any kind i advice you to contact this man today at winexbackspell@gmail.com and with what he did for me i believe he can also help you
thank once again,please help me thank this great therapist.


By anonymous at 25,Apr,13 22:08

Hey. Im 22yo too. Everything u wrote here actually describes me. For a moment i asked myself did i write this? Im gay too. And i cry every day because of my skin too. And however, i want to talk with u. Nobody understands me and i cant talk about this with anybody. I tried everything but nothing worked. I left my school and friends i cant stand ppl are looking me with those looks. Everyone who says hes ugly and then see me he change his mind. Life sux. I loved ppl, i loved life but now i just hate all of them. I wanted to hav good job, working hard and with ppl...but even school teachers cant watch me more than a second. Friends dnt give me eye contact. So i cant be with ppl its too painful. Now im always in my house, dnt wanna go out.maybe thats the reason why im still alive. Im afraid someone sees my ugly dead body. Hope u ll leave me a mail...i will wait for it.


By anonymous at 27,Jul,13 12:00

Hey guys guess what we all go thru this. my advice is talk to some other gay guys at the gym believe me there are plenty of them out there. the will help you. skin can be fixed go to bath and body works the staff there will help.


By anonymous at 02,Nov,13 01:45

I and my husband have been having a lot of problem living together, he will always not make me happy because he have fallen in love with another lady outside our relationship, i tried my best to make sure that my husband leave this woman but the more i talk to him the more he makes me feel sad, so my marriage is now leading to divorce because he no longer gives me attention. so with all this pain and agony, i decided to contact this spell caster to see if things can work out between me and my husband again. the spell caster told me what i will do to get my husband back, so he told me that he was going to make all things normal back. he did the spell on my husband and after 5 days my husband changed completely he even apologize with the way he treated me that he was not him self, i really thank this priest his name is Dr HOODOO he have bring back my husband back to me i want you all to contact him who are having any problem related to marriage issue and relationship problem he will solve it for you. his email hoodoolovespell@yahoo.com


By samantha at 05,Dec,13 04:34

I am Mrs Samantha, Truthfully i was tested HIV + positive last 3years. I keep on managing the drugs i usually purchase from the health care agency to keep me healthy and strengthen, i tried all i can too make this disease leave me alone, but unfortunately, it keep on eating up my life, this is what i caused myself for allowing my fiance make sex to me unsecured without protection, although i never knew he is HIV positive. So last few 4days i came in contact with a lively article on the internet on how this powerful spell caster get her well and healed. So as a patient i knew this will took my life 1 day, and i need to live with other friends and relatives too. So i copied out the Dr Kuq ya the spell caster email address: great.spellcaster@yahoo.com, and I mailed him immediately. In a little while he mail me back that i was welcome to his temple home were-by all what i seek for are granted. I was please at that time. And i continue with him, he took some few details from me and told me that he shall get back to me as soon as he is through with my work after sending him money to get the materials needed to get the spell casted without asking for his own money that will be doing the work. I did all he asked me to do and i was very happy that he promised that i will be cured of my HIV after this spell has been casted as said by the oracle. So Yesterday, as i was just coming from my friends house, Dr Kuq ya called me to go for checkup in the hospital and see his marvelous work that it is now HIV negative, i was very glad to hear that from him, so i quickly rush down to the nearest hospital to found out, only to hear from my hospital doctor called James Ron that i am now HIV negative. I jump up at him with the test note, he ask me how does it happen and i recide to him all i went through with Dr Kuq ya. I am now glad, so i am a gentle type of person that need to share this testimonies to everyone who seek for healing, because once you get calm and quiet, so the disease get to finish your life off. So i will advice you contact him today for your healing at the following email: great.spellcaster@yahoo.com .


By Do you have any relationship pro at 05,Dec,13 04:36

I'm Charming by name from United States.I never thought i will ever again believed in Love Spells because I have been cheated by many spell casters out there who claimed they are powerful but they are just scams who knows nothing but to cast no spell but just as an avenue to steal and rob one money with lies. But not until when I read a post of a man on the internet some months ago, this post talked about a powerful spell caster, who can help with any kind of relationship problems. I contacted this man, and he proved how powerful he was to me through the result of the spell he cast for me. My husband broke up with me for no reason for almost 2 years and i tried all i could to have him back because i really loved him so much but all my effort did not work out.. We met at an early age at college and we both loved each other and we got married happily for 2 years with no kids and he woke up one morning and he told me He's going on a divorce. I thought it was a joke and when he came back from work he tendered to me a divorce letter and he sent me packing. I was badly hurt and i tried all i could to have him back but all did not work out. I was lonely for months. So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for his full name and his picture and i sent that to him through email. At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try because I have tried so many spell casters and there was no solution result, Also what really confused me of all was that a person posted on a web that this spell caster is a scam and out there also so many people has posted that he is the best that he has helped so many of them, Then i also tried all i could to get intourch with that person that posted this powerful and great spell caster to be a scam and i found out that he was a person that could not meet up with the spell casting conditions and also a person that was not patient for just 2 days to see the wonderful result of the spell. So when he finished with the readings, He got back to me that he was with another woman and that woman was the reason why he sent me packing and also why i couldn't conceive a child. Medical reports proved that i was normal as well as my husband. The spell caster said he would help me with a spell that will surely bring him back to me. But i never believed all these. He told me i will see a positive result within 3 days. Truly 3 days later my husband called me himself and came looking for me, Apologizing and he asked me to please come back home. I couldn't believe it, it was like a dream because i never believed this will work out after trying many spell casters and there was no solution. The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and i got pregnant a month later. We are now happy been together again and with a lovely kid. This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever be grateful to him. He has helped many of my friends too with similar and same problems too and they are happy and thankful to him. This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster online as says by all and me, He is also the most considerate spell caster ever experienced in my life. Am Posting this to this forum in case there is anyone who has similar or related relationship problem and still looking for a way out and also any form of problem on earth. You can reach him on his personal email: great.spellcaster@yahoo.com


By Do you need money / famous conta at 05,Dec,13 04:46

Good day.
This is to inform you that there is life opportunity for you to join the Illuminati temple / getting rich here. so as to enable you to become famous and become very rich as well.Are you a good musician or a business man or as well worker or a student and you need excess of money and you also want to become famous and wealthy,here is your chance to become a member of the illuminate Temple and become a star in your life. if really you are interested in becoming a full member of the Illuminati don't hesitate to email us back and we also want you to know that there is nobody that is to determine your future because your future is right in your hands so join us now and become a responsible human being okay, so email us now if interested in becoming rich and powerful email us now at : great.spellcaster@yahoo.com


By Amber at 05,Dec,13 04:47

I always get to see a lot of comment and article about this particular spell caster Kuq ya i mean his name is in every web site and blog that talks about how to mend a broken relationship and he his a spell caster there are lot and lot of testimony about him on the internet on how he saved a lot of broken relationship and help people get together with the once they love and a lot of other things about relationship and to crown it all he doesn't even ask that he should be paid for his services that was rendered all he ask for is for you to provide the material that he going to use to cast the spell and for you to believe cos at the end of it all our believe have a a great roll to play. I am, i think i will say i am the skeptical person on earth when it comes to all this spell stuff. I mean i believe in science cos all it facts has being proven to be true but when it comes to all this spell story i promise you it so hard to even think that this kind thing can happen.But even so you can't believe all this things when you have never tried it before and don't even know if you will be wasting your time on this kind of thing. I was faced with this kind of situation because i made a lot of wrong choices in my relationship which i am not so proud of and all my action cost me a lot in my relationship i mean it tore my relationship with the man i love and with all those article online about Kuq ya spells i was in a state of confusion. I knew there was still life in our relationship but my husband was to heart broken to want to try and fix our problem he felt betrayed by me and my actions. I knew that if i didn't do anything to try and fix this or make him see i am sorry this love will turn into hate and i will loss everything forever because as day went by he became cold toward me. It will be so easy to say he did not deserve to be with a person like me but deep down i loved him and what i did will always hunt me for the rest of my life. I was not sure of how i was going to get him to see as this angle just as how it use to be and i know after all i did it will be fair for him to see me as trash but still i regret all i did. I don't know but i became desperate and i contact this Kuq ya to seek help. I know what most reader are thinking, that this is another spam article. I once thought the same any time i came across article like this but after my experience with Kuq ya it will be fair for me to say he is a real spell caster. You may also think that using a spell on the one you love is like making him act against his own will but if it appears to be so Kuq ya will not do the spell because he only does spell when he have seen and know that you too belong together. In my case it was so my man really loved me. Kuq ya did a spell to make him see me as he use to the spell made him love me even more. And you know just as all other person said he didn't even ask for money from me all he asked was for me to get some items and send them over to him but because i am a working class woman who doesn't have the time to look for rear materials i sent him the money to get the things and cast the spell. When my husband walked in the house and just held me tight choking me in the process i remember his heart was running fast and he just kissed me so passionately i knew that whatever Kuq ya did, It worked and it was so strong. What more can i ask from them my man holding me in his arm and happy that i am in his arm. I will live his email address for those who may feel they need his help no saying you are going to need his help but still if you want to contact him use this email { great.spellcaster@yahoo.com } he does not have a website tell everyone about him is all he asked me for. Amber


By Maisie at 16,Dec,13 23:49

Me and my boy friend was been separated for a long period of time, I came across different spell casters and they were all unable to bring back my lover. I was so sad and almost gave up on him, when i met a spell caster called Dr.Grant, who helped me get my lover back. Ever since then i have been so happy and couldnt believe it would happen. He also helped me with success spell, I have been living happily with my lover now and will be getting married soon. Here is his email address grantingheartdesiresspell@gmail.com to contact him if you need his help


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By Alvin Morgan at 14,Nov,15 04:57

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he is also specialize on curing the following:
1. HIV AIDS
2. Herpes Cure
3. lotto spell
4.bring back ex lover

Alvin Morgan
From Usa


By Keshawn at 20,May,16 06:24

Shouldn't the book designers have had a little more imagination, instead of just Googling the word &quqt;desolate&ouot; or something similar, and then taken the top image hit? Interesting stuff.


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