Lets start this chronologically, First of all my parents got divorced when I was about 12. Hardly understood it and like most children do, I felt somewhat responsible. I live with my mom, which is the most important person in my life and will always be. My father on the other hand, other than an occasional weekly meeting, has no contact with me. I ultimately feel like he cares more about his GF's Kids right now than he does with his only son. Let's get a bit more current. I've always been sort of a hermit, never went out or did anything for the bulk of my life. Never gave a shit about what people thought of me and cared about the way I looked. I've always been a shy guy that would rarely come out of his comfort zone. On the day of my 18th birthday I was basicly forced out of my comfort zone by a "friend". Honestly he truly did me a favor and made it easier for me. He pretty much forced me into liking a girl at my school, which I was always attracted to her but would have never nutted up and talked to her without his help. We went out a couple of times but have ultimately settled as "just friends". That bugged me a little bit but ultimately its gonna happen. This was the first and only girl I have ever talked to. I felt that she was uncomfortable around me because I was so uncomfortable around her. So I feel like I forced myself out of a good situation. I do feel like I do not get to express my feeling for anyone/anything because of my fear of ridicule. I may be young but I feel like I need some sort of companionship so I can show my feelings. Most people think I lack emotions. I have emotions and I am actually very emotional but I tend to try and hide it. On another note, I have severe Anxiety, depression, and OCD. I feel like all of the people I used to consider my friends dont see me the same way. I feel used. And ultimately I feel like I have no friends. I'm having extreme difficulty trying to cope with this and my depression has skyrocketed from bad to worse. I am currently medicated but feel like its either hindering me or doing absolutely nothing. Recently ive began cutting myself and have deeply considered ending my life. About the only thing holding me back is the love for my Mom and half-brother. I've always been considered the better one between me and my brother and his happiness and my depression have began to give me some hope about life. But to end the venting/rambling, I honestly do not know what is going to happen in the upcoming few days/weeks. I am going to consult a docter pretty soon about my issues and hope for the best. My life may not seem to bad but I honestly do not feel like I can completely express my misery and lack of willingness to live. Sincerely, Forever Alone. | |
I feel your pain. Loneliness sucks- but you have the ability to change your situation. Just because one girl places you in the "friend zone" doesn't mean that there isn't anyone else out there. Forever- that's a long, long, time. I bet things will change for you. You have friends. You have your mom. And from what I can tell- you're young. Crimminy- you've got your whole life ahead of you kid! Don't worry about your dad. He sounds like he is feeling guilty about the first failure as a father- so now he's trying to make up for it with family #2. Trust me, it happens all the time. You're not alone. There are many, many, people out there that have OCD, depression, and that cut themselves. It's not like you have some "strange" incurable disease. You have the power to change- do it.
I'm glad that you're going to see the doctor. I'm not advocating prescription drugs, but having taken them when I was severely depressed- helped me. I'm currently not on them, but I'm not suicidal either.
At least not today.
Good luck kid. You'll be fine. Don't kill yourself- think of how much it would destroy your mum?
You don't want to do that to her-
And we want you to stick around too-
Cursed
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