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My fucked up head

Posted by anonymous at March 18, 2012
Tags: Juvenile problems  2012 March  Sociopathy

I'm 17, middle class, my family's still together...barely, I have a group of friends, my parents make more money than most parents in my neighbourhood, I should be happy, I should have nothing to complain about. But I feel like shit, everyday.

Everyday I go through the motions of life. School is horrible. I get bad marks, I can't concentrate or "see" properly tho I have 20/20 vision. I think I have brain damage.

I have Social anxiety disorder, I think i'm psychotic, OCD. I also have severe DPD/DR which is the worst thing in my life, coupled with my extreme feelings of loneliness and feelings that I've damaged my brain. This is cause I've been on meds for almost a year, but also drinking a lot, taking cough syrup and smoking weed. I've been getting a weird reaction from Venlafaxine and weed, which leaves me feeling "dark in the head" as I describe it, and this time it hasn't gone away. It's been a week since I smoked with my cousin. I can't find any info on this feeling either. I wanna kill myself if this doesnt go away.

So I'm depressed, I have barely any real friends cause I've isolated myself from everybody because of my psychotic phase, my group of friends go against me when I complain about what assholes they are. The only people who are true to me I can barely talk to cause this DP/DR and Anxiety shit makes me feel like an awkward boring burden on them. So, I'm afraid of being alone, sorry, extremely paranoid of being alone in my life, of my future, of school, and all of these fucked up thoughts in my head right now.

Oh, and apparently I'm moving all of a sudden. In 2 months. I'm gonna have no friends, alone, no life and I'm gonna have to do a victory lap in high school.
I'm getting off of Venlafaxine after only about a month being on them. Maybe that's why I couldn't sleep for shit this march break. And tomorrow school starts, where I'll go through the motions and keep feeling all of these feelings. I'll be late for sure tho cause I can't wake up in the morning. I guess I love escaping reality by sleeping, drinking, smoking and fucking up my brain.
I can barely hold onto reality anymore. I think I need new friends and a new life. Fuck this.

I want to die.


Similar Entries:
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New Comment

By anonymous at 19,Mar,12 23:12

WTF is your problem? try being 30 making shit crumbs for money from your full time job and not able to pay your fucking rent, never mind the drugs, you spoiled little shit. AND YOU GET TO MOVE? !!! You lucky little shit.
By anonymous at 20,Mar,12 12:53

couldn't have said it better myself.

By Brandy at 20,Mar,12 01:48

first of all the meds that you are taking are not made to coexist with weed and acohol. maybe thats why your not sleeping or benifiting from the medicine that is prescribed to you. you have to stop with the weed and drinking.
second, if you were prescribed that medication then you had to have talked to someone that diagnosed you and then made the call to get you a prescription. did you tell them that you were taking other drugs when they diagnosed you? when someone is on any kind of drugs they cant be properly diagnosed. they have to be clean. so you can throw out any diagnosis you have.
prescription medication does not work with other substances! go back and tell them of your drug use. get clean and rediagnosed. sorry to sound repetitive.. just trying to stress my point.
hang in there.
By anonymous at 20,Mar,12 10:41

I'm so glad there are people like you on this site. keep posting your nice responses, brandy. :)

By robin at 20,Mar,12 04:45

fuck lifes shit...i have similar issues and m bullied at school...
By at 21,Mar,12 13:57

What a cunt....

By at 23,Mar,12 14:31

I know just how you feel. Your story is freakin almost like mine. I have the perfect home and not poor parents. I should be happy... still im the one outsider in family who just escapes from the world and reality by sleeping, disappear in music and generally fucking up my brain.

they dont know this really, i probably look normal on the outside but i for sure have social anxiety disorder and cant get close to friends. I doesnt work, and i have trubble making new ones as i cant get close to em.

I feel shit every morning. I had a boyfriend back in when i was like 12, but that shit is all gone. It isnt that easy anymore as i cant really say the right things to people. I feel stuck with this personality that came on my like after i was 13, so now i cant get out of it. Im just the nice one, the third wheel.

I want to move. Get a new life and get out of this goodgirl, boring personality.

fuck, i hate my life, i just want to die...

By at 25,Mar,12 00:37

I just wanted to add that i've felt brain damaged before i even took all these drugs. It's just now im really paranoid about it and feeling different things in my brain.

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