I'm angry that my life is sh*t. I feel helpless to change it. Other days I feel I can pull myself out of the self-loathing pity party for one. But lately I feel like I get pulled back into it way too often. I now have zero faith in any higher power or eventual balance to life where it will get better. I find myself getting very angry when I see others getting breaks, getting ahead, having financial wind falls, getting promotions they wanted etc etc. I work hard, I take care of my responsibilities, I am a contributing member of society that just so happens to never be the "lucky" one. I try very hard and have in the past sucessfully been genuinely happy when friends/family have great things happen to them. But lately I just want to scream and yell and cuss and break something when once again something goes well for them. That's just not a natural reaction. Jealousy. Envy. Frustration. Fatigue. Anger. Rage. Lethargy. Resentment. All words and feelings I would prefer to be much less acquainted with! Incase "advice" is part of this posting process....Yes I am seeing a therapist, yes I have been diagnosed with situation depression, yes there have been extenuating circumstances that has prompted all of this drama AND no I don't think about hurting myself...except maybe the walls, couch, cordless phone, various remote controls and several other household objects. I regularily read inspirational quotes, books, blogs, FB pages etc etc. And find zero comfort in all of them right now. I know at some point I may shake off this sufficating pathetic "f*ck my shitty life" attitude but right now it fits me pretty good! SO.......FMSL!!! | |
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