LIFE SUCKS

PLEASE READ MY STORY!!!

Alright for starters I am 22 turning 23. I have been living in Thailand for 4 years. I am from US MN. I have done allot of bad things in my life and have had allot of different relationships with woman. I know we are all guna suffer for someone or something but its who is worth suffering for. I didnt do very good in high school and that follows me arround quite a bit. I drank too much in high school hung arround the wrong people. Too many drugs etc. Really only caring about sex and getting high. Than my dad thought it would be good for me to come to thailand and enjoy the beaches and women and have a good time here. To which I really didnt want to come anyway. I got my ged and flew here. Though I just feel so lost. Allot of deap anger problems from my past. Hate my family. Yes i know I fucked up sometimes but you know what my family fucked up way more than i did. Anyway I am so depressed and have been for along time. I try to do good and right now i am a english teacher not the best sinse hey i only have a ged. Also its been so fucking hard for me just to survive. Barely any money and i blew too much getting drunk. I just dont know what to do with my life. Where its going. I have a gf now and she is good though how do i know and can know anything. I almost killed myself a week ago. she stopped me. i just seriously lost the will to live that day. I feel sad also sinse I can barely take care of my self being outa work. Gf takes care of me. Anyway I drink too much also and smoke so. what if i die young?? Ah god my will to live isnt very strong. I hate life and hate every god damn thing fuck!! I just am so tired. Dealing with everything like its all just one big job!! Worrying all the fucking time. Can barely breath. If I dont drink I feel like shit cause i get so damn bored and its like what the fuck else is there to do?? I hate not being able to stand on my own two feet taking care of myself but thailand isnt easy as you think. I can get work but holding the job is what i need to do. I have had 12 jobs in my life already. More if you count part time. I dont want to be anybodys burden. I need help to do something that doesnt affect anyone else. Fuck me man I hate my life...Accept the part of being in thailand thats pretty cool. Though i just cant be anybody's burden. PLUS I am a man so a women taking care of a dude isnt good.