I live in fear of judgement and discrimination.
Though things have improved, my self image is consistently poor and I can't see what my friends try to tell me they see.
I can't find work, I have no money, I have no confidence and sometimes I wonder if I have any friends.
My life isn't as bad as a lot of others here - heck my life has improved. but in reality, what happiness I've had has just been due to a relative shift in my life. It still sucks, but it used to be hell.
How does one find love when they are faced with a dilemma of keeping a lie or risking losing everything by revealing a secret.
I don't have any physical attraction anyway due to my own inhibitions due to my own hatred of my genitals, but I seek love and don't have much hope in finding it.
Some days are really happy, when things go right. But on others, I feel very alone.
I feel sorry for these people going through far more morbid issues on this website. I've been there too, but that's in my past now. My childhood was littered with thoughts of self harm and desperate attempts to fix myself. I'd cry every time my dreams disintegrated in the morning. I'd wish every secondof every day that things would change, and fight my own hatred to keep myself both alive and intact, hoping these feelings would go away as I matured - that I would become normal.
While this is in the past, it still scars me. I wish I had a normal childhood, and I wish I could relive that through caring for my own children, but unfortunately, I can't have kids - despite my longing.