LIFE SUCKS

life sucks

i'm 26 years old and have two children. they are twins. i had them at 19 and one of them is a specials needs chid. the father hasn't been in there life since they were born and we knew each other since we were 10 years old. i have no job. i'm stuck at home with my mom. no friends. never had boyfriends. i have always been an outcast since i was younger. my family all act funny towards me and so does the little bit of friends i do have. when i was pregnant i knew i couldn't take care of a kid, so i tried to get an abortion at at least 5 different places but unfortunately my blood pressure was to high they said, so i couldn't get one. so i decided to just except it and keep them. that is when my life really feel apart. in the beginning my life consist of hospital stays, not be able to go anywhere and no support system. i can never find a job every time i try to get a job no one calls me back even to this day. i always feel like an outcast. alot of people have kids and there lives are not like mines. i can't meet anyone, i never have no money. i feel like this planet is against me. i really can't explain all the stuff going on my life. you would just have to experience it to believe it. every time i try to take a step forward i get pulled 5 steps back. i hate to admit but i tried a few times to commit sucide but it failed. i try to stay positive all the time but i can't anymore i'm ready to give up. i rather be dead then never be happy again. i lost a piece of my life that i will never get back for all that. i should of went to jail. LOL