LIFE SUCKS

loser in pretty girl disguise

first of all- im typing this 4 the 2nd time fml!! ok now to my story: i was born a fat ugly child, got bullied for that, which eventually caused me to develop anorexia, which i then got bullied for as well. i learned how mean people were and that i was better of alone. when i got to highschool my eating was ok again, but i was really ugly, because i didnt care what i looked like, cut my own hair, dyed it and wore the same black t-shirt pretty much every day. There i learned a lesson for life: wherever i go im not wanted and whatever i say is retarded, i was definitely not sexy and guys would make bets like: Under what conditions would you do THAT ugly girl. Those are the things i lived by ever since, because they got pressed into my mind for over 4 years. Then when i moved on to another school i really had grown into my looks,got guys hitting on me all the time. But my interior hadnt changed: i still was the awkward loner i had always been, it didnt take people a long time to figure that out, so they bullied me again. I wanted a fresh new start, so i went on exchange, where i stayed with a very strict family, i was of course shy, and afraid of anyone, a people pleaser, which caused me to then develop an eating disorder once again- the bulimia, by far the worst experience of my life. i regretted waking up everyday, because no matter how hard i tried i screwed up always, even though i believed everytime i was gonna make it- i didnt.i ve been back home for 2 years, the disease has stuck with me though and by now sucked out the last bit of self confidence and joy that might have been left. when i got a boyfriend (didnt get one until i was 18, due to my awkwardness), the guy i had had a crush on for so many years, i was extremely happy- for 3 hours.then he got me drunk and demanded sex. i loved him. after we had sex, he told me he wanted to have a SEXUAL relationship, he didnt love me and was not very likely to ever do. Then he also told me that his former sex partner, a -sinchronized olimpia swimmer- was way prettier than me and that he though i should really lose some weight. (i was already underweight). I was pathetic enough to stick around and be his sex slave to get at least a little bit of artificial love in my live (my parents never hugged me, had no friends.) one time he cuffed my hands and covered my eyes, so he had total power over me. he fetched a chocolat covered popsicle and put it in my vagina, then forced me to eat it. Then i almost sufficated me when i fucked me into my mouth, i couldnt breathe for almost a minute. When i told him later that i was gonna go to treatment for my eating disorder, he was very concerned- that i was gonna gain weight! In reality i went to a fasting clinic, to lose weight, which i didnt tell him. when i got back, i dumped him, have been alone ever since. there were only two more incidents when i had contact with a guy (remember im good looking, but a retard, so some guys dont care). on a cruise an italian guy wanted to have sex, i thought it was gonna be great- he turned out to be a virgin who was trying to nail me even though he had no idea how to do it. i only didnt refuse, because i was once more alone and felt unloved. Another time it was pretty much the same thing- pathetic me, didnt fight a guy hard enough who was very pushy so i eventually gave in. But right in the heat of the moment my savior came along- the guy farted like i had never heard anyone fart before and ran, stilll farting, to the toiled, to fart some more. haha. well that were all the interactions i have had with guys all my life. even though people who dont know me think im a hot chick, but arrogant. people who do know me know im awkward freak who has a fucking problem with my life. If there is anyone who read all this: you're awesome!!:) cheers=D