I hate being alive. I am useless. I am beautiful but can't find a boyfriend. I am nice but my friends talk shit behind my back. I'm a college graduate but I can't get a job interview. I am in debt and living in a van to pay my bills so I don't fuck up my credit. I am draining my savings account to eat since I have no kitchen and to pay for storage since I have no closet. I owe way more money in debt than I have in the bank. The one job I got the client wants a refund. I am the joke in town because people call me homeless, vagrant, transient, even though I considered it sofa surfing until I got the van. Now I just tell everyone I got a place to live just to get out of the nasty spotlight and gossip as "homeless girl". I can't find a man to fuck because I can't bring him to my van and most of them have STDs and are not willing to commit to me. The place I go to shower is no good anymore because a man is stalking me and calling security on me. Nosey little fat fuck and broke ass loser with nothing better to do than spy on me. I can't charge my phone and laptop In the van so I am almost always half way out of juice to make calls or send emails. I've lost all my confidence and energy. I feel like shit everyday. I'm drinking more than ever. I'm "letting myself go" physically (getting a bit curvey). I call my girlfriends to talk and all they talk about boring boys. I hang out with my GF's on rare occasion when they r not with the man of the week for companionship and they jump on the phone with their boyfriends or text them the entire time were supposed to be hanging out with each other. I have to sneak into my van at night and sneak out in the morning. All day I have to walk around aimlessly and look for things to do with my wasted life and try to pretend that I am not lost. I have to try not to look houseless. I'm a loser baby. So why don't ya kill me. | |
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You go girl! Wow, you've got spunk! Living in a van is a great idea- What's keeping you from driving to another town, location, whatever? Why not drive your van to a location where you could find work? I'm thinking it's gonna be summer, or already is- the weather has been crazy warm! Find a "resort" like town- on the ocean, in the mountains, or on the lake somewhere (not sure what state you are currently in) and you can find work just about anywhere! Kayak guiding to river rafting, golf-course greens, to pumping gas in speedboats, to working on an organic farm? You name it- you can probably find the ideal "summah" job, which would allow you to make some money, and then land a "stellar" job???
Sometimes you have to "up-root" your location. But summer is coming, which means tourism, which means seasonal work. Find it! The VAN ROCKS! Don't get yourself down. You have the drive and living in a VAN down by the RIVER sounds pretty awesome to me! Find a nice cool swimming hole-
Peace sister- if you need any ideas on work in NH, let me know, I've got connections...
Cursed
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