I have outwardly good qualities--high intelligence that gets me gainful employment at a reasonable wage, artistic abilities that many would die for. I would trade that all in a heartbeat for some kind of connection with humankind.
Everywhere I go I'm patronized because my Tourette syndrome and (well-treated) schizophrenia are obvious to people. I'm routinely denied access to the networking and social interactions that are a big part of how business gets done. People constantly misread me and I'm unable to read them.
I'd give up all the outward success to be able to interact as an equal among men; they treat me like a little boy. I'm 38 years old and have never had as much as a date with someone of the opposite gender. People tell me what I should do in order to "be a man" yet I'm disgusted by the arrogant posturing and disregard for others' feelings that are required to "be a man".
People fear me and tell me to my face, unprompted, how creepy I am and that I shouldn't be out walking on the street because it makes them uncomfortable. I've constantly been accused of making sexual advances at people when in fact I don't even know _how_ to do so. It must have to do with the constant blinking and twitching that I can't control even when medicated to the point of zombiehood.
Many here have lives far worse than mine. But I still wish I could interact with humankind as an equal rather than being the omega to the world's alpha. | |
What can one do but persevere?
High intelligence is not very useful if there is no common sense to go with it. I should know, my IQ is too high and sometimes I get too comfortable in the wonderful clean world of math.
You know how to get down to earth again? Use your "artistic abilities", take advantage of your sensitive side to connect with people and their feelings. Paint, write, compose, have a good conversation, be a good listener.
Don't say that you would trade your qualities for something else. Be careful what you wish for, because it might be granted... Instead, focus on your qualities. Be humble and let your guard down. That is how you get to "be a man". A good one, at least.
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