Its strange world or I am strange. since childhood i never found myself worth of anything. though I am doing PhD in a university in europe my life still sucks. My parents always thought n compared me with other kids for all small and big things. I always made to look up to people with admiration which inculcated in me an inferiority complex and thereby jealousy. Now, I am 30 years old, never had girl friend, nor anybody else to confide my love. My mom is a control freak. Its much better that i moved away from my house since last 15 years. My friends/colleagues at work got busy as soon as they found their gf/bfs and got involved. this leaves me alone most of the evening. people say i should do some activity, but it doesnt help much. i want a tender human contact who can understand me and appreciate me for what i am. I know i am not perfect but then who is perfect??? i dont think its impossible to find 1-2 good qualities in me. Now, since i migrated to europe some other people in my group think i am too stupid to talk to them. So, there it also gives me a strange feeling. i wish some how it changes to a little better. People i meet are somehow always strange. i never meet normal people like you see. that also makes me think that either i;ve bad aura or i am not normal myself. some how my face, or my tone/voice or my reaction or my body language is disgusting for them. what i find bad is my parents, they never thought i was worth of salt. my life has been so mechanical. i wish i had some courage to add little human part in it provided my parents did not know it or approve it...life is unfair but this much is not bearable. i just cried after talking to my mom for 1 min after 2 weeks of not talking to her. | |
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