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Me against the world

Posted by Blacc Mamba at March 27, 2012
Tags: Crime  Health  2012 March

Nobody's story could be worse than mine. I have read alot of peoples stories but I think mine is the worst. First, I'm a 35 year old blacc male who recently got released from prison in Ohio. BOOOO!! I really don't even know how to tell everybody how I feel so I'll just "keep it real" with whomever reads this. I have been diagnosed with all types of shit from bi-polar to manic depressant with schizophrenic effects, impulsive control disorder- been on all types of meds since 1993. Been hospitalized a few times for beeing suicidal...blah,blah,blah. I have very low self esteem...very self conscoiuos about my height etc...I'm very materialistic....Oh yeah I exaggerate ALOT. I never had any real friends my whole entire life. I have no problem getting a girlfriend as I have had many and children to follow behind... I would like to think of myself as a good father but my kids have become materialistic like me! Or is the fact that this bling-bling era/video vixen shit got everybody discombobulated? i live at home with my mother and I had another child while incarcerated and Im still with the mother but she complains that we don't have sex enough or that I don't take her out...yada,yada,yada. I hate the world and what it has become. I hate myself for feeling like this. I love my kids but they seem to want only be happy when I take them shopping at Holister or some shit. While I was away my oldest daughter got pregnant and had the baby right before I was released from prison. So now I have 2 babies to look after. I have 4 baby mamas who only want money. Quality time with children nowadays is non existant. It's either child support plus shopping sprees or you arent doing your fatherly job. Im also a gang member have been for over 17 years and overall Im corrupted. I feel like an empty shell just walking around or should I let Brotha Lynch Hung tell you that Im a "dead man walking". Life seems to be inspired by drama and bullshit. I've NEVER had any friends accept homies that were what I call "get high associates". All people only want to kicc it for is to get high....nobody calls me for shit. If it aint about getting high on weed or pcp(water) or drinking brews aint nobody really trying to be real friends. I had many jobs been in many different states and its the same shit all over. WHY? Why do I feel like an outcast? I mean its gotten to the point to where I got interested in chinese zodiac to find the reason why people act the way they do. Im angry ALL the time at life in general. I tried church,therapy all types of solutions but to no avail. Oh yeah, about the prison thing, I went to prison because my ex-wife cheated on me and I caught her and the guy she was messing with.He had concocted a bullshit story to get me caught up and any time you say that someone has a gun, police don't mess around...especially in Ohio. I basically did time for some shit I didnt do and my ex-wife went on and divorced me while I was going bacc an forth to court and married the guy she cheated on me with. I have so much resentment with everything in my life which is why I smoke weed and on occasion pcp. It just makes me not give a fucc... I found this place where I can finally just let this shit out becuse aint nobody listening to me when I talk. So maybe someone else can relate to me elsewhere.


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By anonymous at 14,Jun,13 00:44

You've received some damn good adivce, but I wanna give you a compliment. There's one thing about you that makes me proud: YOU KNOW HOW TO SPELL! Seriously, there aren't many gang members who can speak regular English let alone spell.

By anonymous at 14,Jun,13 21:57

You stated that your current girlfriend complains about you two not having enough sex. What is she a nympho (sp)? There's another word that descibes a female who wants to lay in bed all the time and have sex. I'm quite sure you know what I'm saying. Don't fall for that bullshit. She could be trying to trick you into getting her pregnant. Trust me, you really don't need any more children. I also have a lot of resentment and I'm way older than you. At least you're still young and you're living.

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