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THE_CYCLE_OF_MINDFUCKERY

Posted by anonymous at June 5, 2010
Tags: Abuse  Family  2010 June  Juvenile problems

Born into a typical family. Father was an abusive, porn-watching ass. Mother was a hard-working woman; cheerful. Father got angry, broke her legs. Mother got over it. Father got angry again, trashed the house and cut up all her underwear. Mother got over it.

I was a relatively happy child. I got sick a lot. I still do. I stress my mom a lot. She asks: "Why don't you call your fucking father and tell him you're sick?"

Because I'm scared.

I'm 14, emetophobic (IRRATIONAL fear of vomiting that literally devours me alive, each and every day), depressed, terrible self-image. Father is a hard man to talk to. He is a control-er. A dominate-r. He MUST be right. Arrogant and cynical. Like an elephant, he will not forget. He will mock you, spit in your face, throw water in your face, kick your tail-bone, curse your very name, and then, when his anger subsides, he will be "nice". He fucks with you.

Mother called me fat. Pig. Lazy. Bitch. Whore. Fat, again. I WAS. 135 at 5'4. Went anorexic, sunk into a deep depression and anger with my body. It became an obsession. It still is: 111 at 5'4. Up and down, up and down ... goes the scale.

I still suffer. OCD, too. Thoughts, I need marijuana. I need to run away.

Mother punched me multiple times. I have bruises. Mother whipped me with a stick she picked off the ground during our daily nature walks. I have a scar on my inner right arm.

Friends? Well, they fuck around. They're not friends. They're vain. Stupid. "Stupid, stupid, blah, ahurr, blah..." is what they speak. Living in fantasy. I live in reality.

Life is the same ol' story. The same ol' cycle. You're happy, you're sad, you're happy again. Fucking with your emotions. Mindfuckery.

I get good grades. Worthless letters.

I once believed in God. No longer, so.

BULL

SHIT


Votes:


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Comments:
By mary at 09,Jun,10 23:00

Hi!
i cannot stand it when parents treat their children like that! Is there someone else in your family that could help you? Is there some social help in your country? Maybe you could ask assistance from some institution.. i'm not very well informed but there should be places where you can get help from if the situation at home is unbearable.

In the end even military school sounds better than THAT.

yes people-friends are stupid.. they have their easy happy life and they do not understand when someone has serious problems.

Focus on school, you get good grades and you should be proud of yourself :)

Learn to be proud of yourself, I am sure you are not a lazy..etc..etc... I used to hear such stuff from my mother too. She was angry at her life and was taking it out on me.

Parents are not always right, they are sometimes very wrong and could often learn something from their children!

Can you maybe enter some sports/music club? maybe you'll find something to focus your energy on and to feel better.

As I understand you have a lot of potential and you are not expressing it. Look for yourself and your education, so you can be independent. With all you went through you have an advantage on other people: you are a strong person, you will make it!


By anonymous at 10,Jun,10 13:26

tears were shed my friend


By anonymous at 11,Jun,10 03:42

why don't you kill your dad that will make you feel better. then you will make lifelong friends in prison.


By anonymous at 11,Jun,10 20:30

You did not come from a typical family. That's the first thing you need to realize. Look at what you've survived as a testament to your personal strength. Build from there. It won't always be easy or fun. Sometimes its just a matter of getting thru the day but if you don't get thru the day you'll never know what happens next.


By anonymous at 05,Aug,10 17:59

i need more than weed after reading that horse shit eat me


By anonymous at 11,Aug,10 02:14

I say get out of the house. And remember, you are perfect just the way you are. If you watch they Tyra show like i do, (I'm so nerdy! hehe) Than you would know that chuncky is in. Chuncky is sexy. Full size is beauty. Just be you. You only live once. Make the most of it. You da bomb!!!


By anonymous at 12,Jan,11 16:42

Like someone said, YOUR FAMILY IS FAR FROM being a typical family!! You need to get this out of your heard right now. This is NOT normal and you don't have to go through so much shit. You need to get in touch with someone before you get permanently mentally damaged. Contact you local Children's services or some sort of charity. You could also contact your school counselor but that'd be my last option.

Your parents are seriously insane and you need out!!! Don't let them destroy the person you are and your potentials. And do not underestimate the importance of your school grades. Education might be your only chance to have the great deserve life you deserve.


By anonymous at 16,Feb,11 19:05

i once did a poo and it looked like God


By anonymous at 01,Dec,11 09:48

Been in your position amigo... Though the depression and weight issues etc won't go away overnight, just know those grades are not justs letters on a page- they're your ticket out of there! Good luck :)


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