Hi, I'm 14.
I know, I know teens always seem to have LOTS of problems, but please hear me out.
I just skipped a grade to catch up my lost year and am in year 8. I have great grades and a wonderful family. My parents are proud of me. I started to publish short stories in magazines and newspapers when I was 11. I am not ugly. I know this because strangers would call me 'beautiful'. My MOM calls me 'hot'.. Which is really weird.. I am 173cm in height (5ft8). I have long 'spidery' legs. I was an ex-model. (I'm not bragging or anything. I know eeeww). I have a super good-looking 15-16 year old brother who doesn't even know or cares that he's really beautiful and that LOTS of girls are crushing on him. He loves me and tries to help me. I can completely trust him. He has no interest in girls and was only once in 'love' with an older girl who rejected him. So lets get to the point:
I am in SHOCK. From 6th grade to 8th grade is a huge shock for me. From playing tag to smoking cigarettes and shit. From innocence to .... From love to hatred. I was bullied the first few months because I was still childish. I had insomnia and self-mutilating problems. But then I started analyzing myself and changed. I am quiet. I don't care anymore of what people thought of me. I grew taller and taller and started to have a 'women's body'. Ever since then, people stopped bullying me. A guy started to touch me in class. I was scared. I was so uncomfortable and didn't dare say anything because I was afraid people would hear me. But he (fortunately) stopped. I smile a lot. Even to my ex bullies and molester. I am friendly and very different. I wear long loose guy t-shirts to school and some jean shorts with my hair always tied to a pony-tail. I pretend to be happy and love laughing. I have ONE best friend whom I truly love and trust. She is still childish and is 1 year younger than me, but she makes me feel loved, happy and accepted. I feel left out and not accepted in my class. The girls are sluts. I live in Indonesia. in an international school. Clubs are legal for anyone in any age. There are 2 girls in my class (3 with me). They go to clubs, drink, smoke take magic mushrooms (it's legal here) and do fore-plays with guys. The worse part: THEY ARE 13!! I am against these things. I am the (weird) quiet girl sitting in the corner alone in the class staring out of the window. I know people talk behind my back. Whenever anyone does and starts giggling, I laugh (in friendly way). Since I am smart, people ask me for the answers of homework. I give them the answers. The very worse problem and why I am writing this here is:
I am in complete love with this boy. He is smarter than me and the most popular person in 8th grade. He never said anything bad about me and is very sweet and funny. I can't stop thinking about him. But I always think he is too good for me and doesn't deserve me. I cry because of him. He is best friends with the 2 sluts but is against alcohol, drugs and smoking. I always appear like a stalker to him. We have tons of eye-contact, even though we barely talk to each other. I always try to be as close as possible to him. He knows I like him. Which makes me feel bad about myself because I have done so much embarassing things in my life. And just added another. The whole class knows. I have no clue if he feels the same. He gives me mixed signals. I am very scared of being rejected and try as much possible to forget about him but can't. He and my family are actually the only reason why I am still here.