I don't even know where to start. Usual, abusive childhood, pregnant at 17, pregnant again at 23, then children's father died in 2005. From there, life has been hell. No friendships, no viable relationships, sitting alone, 37 years old living with my mother. My daughter lives on her own, and is doing better than I am, still trying to raise my son, but without my mothers help, we would be homeless. I cant find a job, no one is hiring, I have even tried fast food! I was a stay at home mother for years, so I have no work history. High school graduate, but no further education. I attempted college but owe loans, so cant get back in until I can pay those off. My only friendship was a texting friend from Norway, and now he has stopped communication after 3 years... what did I do? It's so sad, to actually come to terms that I have no one to talk to. My own mother is going through a divorce after 17 years, so she has her own problems. I don't want to scare my son, so I cant talk to him, and my daughter.. she has her own life, not concerned with mine, I rarely hear from her. Sad part is, I have contemplated suicide so many times, but after my children's father passing away, I just cant do that to my kids. But what use am I to them, like this? I cry and cry, scream at the walls, sit in my room feeling sorry for myself, every time an application for employment is turned down, I just get even more depressed. I have no vehicle so even finding work is a task in its self, but I keep trying! It just seems like a futile effort. I'm lonely, hurt, and scared... is this all that's left to my life? To live it out alone, and die single, with no one to love, to share with? This life is a joke, my life, is a joke.