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Wits end.

Posted by NoWhereToTurn at March 31, 2012
Tags: Family  Life Story  2012 March

I don't even know where to start. Usual, abusive childhood, pregnant at 17, pregnant again at 23, then children's father died in 2005. From there, life has been hell. No friendships, no viable relationships, sitting alone, 37 years old living with my mother. My daughter lives on her own, and is doing better than I am, still trying to raise my son, but without my mothers help, we would be homeless. I cant find a job, no one is hiring, I have even tried fast food! I was a stay at home mother for years, so I have no work history. High school graduate, but no further education. I attempted college but owe loans, so cant get back in until I can pay those off. My only friendship was a texting friend from Norway, and now he has stopped communication after 3 years... what did I do? It's so sad, to actually come to terms that I have no one to talk to. My own mother is going through a divorce after 17 years, so she has her own problems. I don't want to scare my son, so I cant talk to him, and my daughter.. she has her own life, not concerned with mine, I rarely hear from her. Sad part is, I have contemplated suicide so many times, but after my children's father passing away, I just cant do that to my kids. But what use am I to them, like this? I cry and cry, scream at the walls, sit in my room feeling sorry for myself, every time an application for employment is turned down, I just get even more depressed. I have no vehicle so even finding work is a task in its self, but I keep trying! It just seems like a futile effort. I'm lonely, hurt, and scared... is this all that's left to my life? To live it out alone, and die single, with no one to love, to share with? This life is a joke, my life, is a joke.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 31,Mar,12 18:57

You know what, I can tell from your writing that you are a very intelligent person. Your time will come, just keep working at it, sometimes just baby steps all add up. Give yourself a hug for all you have been through and keep on trying. Take care.


By Cursed at 01,Apr,12 13:17

Dear No Where To Turn-
Suffering from loneliness sucks- Especially, in your situation, since you didn't choose to be alone. How tragic. You could use a therapist. I know finances are tight, but it would be money well spent. You can't keep bottling your sadness inside, pretending that nothing is wrong on the outside, it will eat you alive!
A little tip on the job front- healthcare. I have a degree in business and marketing, but when I graduated from college in 2006, there was no work. So, after scanning the paper everyday, I finally came to the decision that I would get a nursing license. There's work galore! You can take a three month course to become an LNA (the cost was 1000.00) But a thousand well spent. I have had work ever since. There's a demand for in home care and nursing homes are getting more crowded by the day...
If you could scrape together enough money to take the course, you'd have guaranteed work!
In anycase, keep up hope dear. You will persevere!
Cursed


By anonymous at 03,Apr,12 03:31

Sweety, don,t worry God will help I am Engineer strong caring man please contact me at hseconstructions41@gmail.com


By anonymous at 03,Apr,12 21:08

Don't contact that guy.


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