When I was younger, I never would have dared to believe that the world was so malevolent and vindictive. I had hope; hope for a better tomorrow, hope for a happy future, hope for a life in which I would not feel such emptiness and loneliness as I do in this one. It wasn't because I was happy, but because I refused to believe that this was as good as it got. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I was only fooling myself. I am only 18. All of my very short life I've been deceived, I've been manipulated, I've been openly despised, and I've been shown how worthless I am. Need those grisly examples? Well it started before I was born. My parents did not want a child, so when they discovered me, my mother decided to get an abortion. The only reason I'm still alive is because they couldn't afford it. Now I think most parents would have the decency of at least pretending to care for their child, but after six months they decided instead to try and kill me. This obviously failed, and a pair of broken legs and a dozen court sessions later, and I was with my grandparents, who are without a doubt the only good part of my life. The fun only starts there. My parents were still allowed to visit me because they weren't convicted,so as I continued to grow they started cheating on each other, physically harming each other, and and eventually separated (unable to afford a divorce). They blamed this all on me, cursing my existence as the bane of their love. And the truth is, they are right. That doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I will always be alone. Lonesomeness will be a staple of my existence. I know this simply because of how my life has gone so far and from knowing that nothing good happens to people like me. Obviously I have no friends. So many people say that these days, and I don't think people truly realize what is like to have no friends. For someone like me, who sees other people and their friendships, and how much of a positive effect it has on them, I can honestly say that I feel the full effects of loneliness. If it weren't for my loneliness and the depression that it brings with it, I would not be typing this. I envy those who have friends they can talk to, who they can love and trust to always be honest with them. The few "friendships" I have now are void and empty, only existing at school for the purpose of warding off boredom. Luckily I am not hated by any of my peers, at least not openly. Although I would rather know I was hated than be living in a guessing game. I won't even get started on love relationships. I never expect to have one of those. There are many other things I could bitch about, but those are the most prominent. After all of these experiences, I have learned not to be an idiot and hope that tomorrow is better, but instead to await my eventual death.
TL;DR version: Life Fucking Sucks.