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i'm at the end

Posted by blair at June 6, 2010
Tags: Abuse  Family  2010 June  Loneliness

I grew up with a dad who hated me and didnt feel bad when he repeatedly told me violence from him and my controllin mother, 15 i was raped on the way home never told a sole untill i was 18 where i told my boyfriend, wish i could have told my sister and parents but was scared i would somehow be blamed!! stupid!!!
kicked out when i was 18 too pathetic for parents to handle.. i was a kid who never went out would get in trouble for not going to the shop for anyone didnt really have friends barely spoke was to shy to say hi to anyone... spent 5 years of my life on my own with only one person who stuck around.. a guy friend had no contact with my family or anyone, been mugged 4 times must have something written on my back or forehead... although i have more confidence now and not so shy i struggle every day to see a point i got help but it jus wasnt for me so quit it and now all thats keeping me alive is the fact that im lookin after my grandad who has dementia i spend all my days alone and it jus really sucks!! cant see it gettin any better so whats the point!


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Comments:
By The Loner at 10,Jun,10 19:57

Some of your story sounds familiar. If you have been mugged 4 times, you DO have "victim" written all over your face. I got a job in sales and had to practice my sales pitch. My instructor told me I had "insecurity" written all over me and I learned how to present myself in a more positive way. It was not an easy process. I joined several clubs for people who shared common hobbies and interests with me. I quit all but three of them. Now I have friends who are supportive. I gave up on all my family members years ago.
As far as victimization, one year I wanted to attend a Halloween costume party and I walked several blocks dressed as the hockey-masked/machete-wielding killer in the Friday The 13th movie series. I had "psycho killer" written all over me and people ran away in terror (I am 5'2" tall and weigh 110 lbs.) Even at the party, people were scared of me until I took off the hockey mask and smiled at them.
By anonymous at 11,Jun,10 06:07

OMG, no wonder they were scared if were walking around with a machete in your hand.
By The Loner at 11,Jun,10 20:21

Noooo! I did not have a machete in my hand. It was a plastic (toy) machete tucked into my belt (in San Francisco).
I recently bought a toy Black&Decker chainsaw to complete my costume.
On Halloween night, watch out bitch!
Also, at Burningman 2010, Metropolis, I will be roaming around at night in my Jason costume LMAO.


By anonymous at 11,Jun,10 00:52

When I read your thread, I think " I hope this person has a pet"?? Do you? Because youre realizing early that most people really suck and will always let you know, and you can enjoy them for a time, but for true joy, have a pet. They don't get old and hate you (like children) nor do they reject you (like parents and spouses).


By anonymous at 11,Jun,10 12:12

you are not a loser if you loose a battle. you re a loser only if you quit the war. please find the strength that is somewhere inside you and fix your life.


By anonymous at 15,Jun,10 19:03

Don't eat alive things do get beter if wan them to. it just takes time. When my mother died I was sexually bused by my father now his entire family hates after I had arrested for it. but my mother family thinks otherwise and they are the who believed my aunt and uncle took me in. Mylife has gotten better but not normal I will live with being rped for the rest of my life butiw ill not rule my life I have beenaccpeted to a good medical school in the fall and my life will b ebetter.


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