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thought things where getting better

Posted by Trevor at April 2, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Relationship

I generally enjoy peace and quiet and i don't allow very many people to see my real side. I don't judge anyone for anything. Everyone has reasons for acting the way they do and i understand that so I'm a very accepting person. If you where to look at me you wouldn't think much of me, you would probably just avoid making eye contact with me and i would do the same. I don't enjoy making eye contact with people because then i would have to say something or smile. I am a male junior in High school and I really liked this freshman girl that I met one day after school in a club and we really hit it off. She was so nice and it really surprised me. I really liked her but she had a boyfriend at the time so i backed off. After that boyfriend she had another one, but she was texting me one night and we were just having a humorous conversation. She then hinted that she's gone through a lot of hard times and that she's slightly fucked up, and she said that if i where to know about it i wouldn't ever want to be her friend again. And that around most of her friends she has to put up an act and hide her true self. I then reassured her that I was one of the few people that judges people because i've gone through some rough moments in my life also, and that i wouldn't think any differently of her. She then told me about how she'd almost committed suicide twice in her life, and that her current boyfriend saved her one night from doing it while he was texting her. It really surprised me because she seemed like the sweetest, nicest, most energetic and outgoing person that I've ever met. She purely is one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met and if you where to look at her you would agree. She doesn't believe that she is beautiful and when she looks in the mirror she cant say anything positive about herself and it really bugs me because she's so gorgeous. Me and her started to hang out because i really cared for her, and for some reason everything that she had told me that one night made me like her a lot more than I've ever liked anyone. We had developed a really open relationship and we talked to eachother about everything. It then came to her birthday and i spent the whole day looking for a gift for her. And her boyfriend and her had planned on going out to dinner but he ended up having other plans. It really hurt me to see that she was going out with someone that didn't care enough about her to take her out to dinner on her birthday. If she was mine i would have gone out of my way to take her out to dinner. I longboarded 20 minutes over to her house one day and we just hung out and talked and had a marvelous day. She is a troubled girl and her boyfriend didn't ever seem to be there for her. Me and her could talk for hours and never run out of things to say to eachother. She cares so much about other people and all she wants to do is help and she started crying in front of me because there was nothing that she could do. I gave her a hug because i didn't know what else to do to make her feel better. She would talk to me about how a lot of guys tried to go out with her just to get into her pants, and guys treat her like an object and they treat her like shit. I told her one night i didn't want to hide it form her anymore but i really liked her, but i didnt want to tell her that because she had a boyfriend. She then said that she felt it too. I then felt really happy that someone else actually cared about me! But i also felt horrible that I was getting involved in someone else relationship. Me and her would text for hours and not get any of our homework done and it was amazing! She would always tell me how different she was from her boyfriend and that she would be 20 times happier if she was with me. She said that I was way more her type than her boyfriend. I felt really happy, but really bad at the same time. I had met her mom and her sister and her father, and they all really seemed to like me. Her mother would always talk about me when i was gone and her sister approved of me and not her boyfriend. Her and her boyfriend eventually ended up breaking up, but i did not want to rush things and put her into a relationship right away. So i wanted to give her some time. We hung out and talked a lot and i was always concerned about how she was feeling. She came over to my house for the first time 3 days ago. I normally don't let anyone into my room. It's almost like my own little sanctuary but with her i totally went out of my comfort zone and opened up to her as she did with me. Me and her started kissing and it was amazing, it was the best moment of my life, but it was only a week after she had broken up with her boyfriend and i felt like we were really rushing things, and if anyone found out her ex would be pissed. We proceeded to do that for a little more and then she had to go home. We then hung out 2 days later and i went to shelter for women with abusive husbands with her, and then later i went to her house with her and we hung out and had a good time and did a little more kissing and talking. I really thought that she was the perfect girl for me. After that i went to hang out with my buddy. I had just gone through a real hard time with pot. I know pot isn't really that bad of a drug, but once someone does it 3 times a day for 6 months it begins to do something to you. I had gotten clean off of it before i started talking to her. It had been 3 weeks since i had last smoked, and i thought things were going great. But i went to my friends house and smoked and i felt like an idiot for it. I woke up the next morning to see that the girl i thought i had a real good thing with sent me a text (all names are substituted) at 3 am saying:
"Hey darling. So this text is going to be really hard to send because it makes me feel terrible. Ive been really thinking though, and i did rush things. i think i like to think im 100% over my ex but im not. I love him and i wish things never changed and i wish we were still going out, but we're not. so i tried to find a reason not to like him. You were my reason. Youre a great guy and you do make me happy, but im not ready for a relationship. I obviously have a bit of growing up to do, and im so stressed with school and family and friends and everything and i dont need the additional stress of a guy to look after. Thats part of the reason my ex and i broke up. We had a few problems like every healthy relationship, and even though they were minor, they were stressing me out and i couldnt take it. I havent REALLY been single since the beginning of summer. Five days after breaking up with john i went out with Steven. After Steven i had a thing with Alex. After Alex i had a thing with Joe. After Joe i went out with my last ex. I cant remember the last time a guy wasnt in the picture. I miss not having to worry 'Does this guy think im flirting with him!?! ... what if he does and tell whoever im dating?' i miss innocent flirting without even having to like each other. Pure playfulness. I need to do this for me. Also, it wouldn't be fair to you if i were to be dating you while wishing i were to be single or dating my ex. I was selfish for taking advantage of you liking me. Oh and i do like you! Its just im not ready for this. I feel absolutely awful because i know how much fun we have together, and you always have the biggest smile on your face after we kissed. and we have such an amazing connection and it feels great knowing that i actually KNOW you when few else do makes me feel special. but being with you wouldn't be fair to either of us. I am really sorry Trevor : / i feel absolutely horrid for this. I hope you forgive me. But i still want to hang and stuff. Like hopefully wednesday is still on? Well text me when you wake up. im sorry : / goodnight..."
My heart sank when i woke up and read it and i wanted to cry but i was at a friends house so i sucked it up. I replied that i understood and didn't want to put her into a relationship right away, and that i understood and that she was so beautiful and that she drives all the other guys crazy, but they always tell her she has a nice ass and they're disrespectful to her, and she tells me this and she hates it. I told her that i smoked last night and i felt like shit and felt like I've let down everyone and myself. I have no idea what to do with myself or my life right now and i hate myself and i cant stop crying. I just want to make her happy and i don't want anything more than to be with her. I guess we're still hanging out on wednesday but i don't know what it's going to be like anymore.... i really hate my life right now im so lost and i hate being alone. I've always been skeptical and afraid of opening up to people, and i poured my heart out to her. I can't stop crying because all i want is her, being with her is what would determine a good day or a bad day. Now i don't know what to do...


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Comments:
By Cursed at 02,Apr,12 16:01

Dear Trevor-
You may want to hear this kid- BUT SHE IS TOYING WITH YOU! Geeezzz Louizzzee! If I had a penny for every guy she has "toyed" with, I'd be rich!!
For heavens sake, please move on! She is beautiful so she can get away with being a flirt. She's using you. Period. If she cared for you, she wouldn't be dating this dude, then that dude, then another dude. She has "friend" zoned you for life. You will never be her boyfriend- because in her mind, she thinks she already HAS YOU! And she does. She's got you right by the cajones. Literally. So, as hard as it may seem, you've got to stop all communication with her or else she will literally drive you out of your mind! You'll go CRAZY chasing her around- which of course she feeds off of. Knowing you're in her back pocket, she can fuck whoever she wants, end then call you up and complain about it, and SURE ENOUGH- you'll be there.
Dude- you better run while you can. There's a bunch of women out there- THAT ARE SINGLE, waiting to meet you! This GIRL is a FEMALE PLAYAH. If you don't believe me- check out her phone contact list- it's probably filled with DUDES numbers. Whatever. You're going to do what you want. But the RED FLAGS ARE EVERYWHERE!!!
Did you ever see a BEAUTIFUL MIND- with Russel Crow? Remember in the bar scene- where a group of women come in, and he's like, don't hit on the HOT ONE? That is what you need to pound into your brain. Hot women, know they are hot, and they will use it to their advantage- as long as they can. God bless em. But they will drive you crazy in the process. Trust me. You can find better-
Good luck kid- be strong and find a gal that loves you- not one who sucks the life outta yah!
And smoke a fatty for me-
xoxo
Cursed
By Trevor at 02,Apr,12 17:04

Thanks a lot dude, she just got back with her boyfriend today so she obviously doesnt give a fuck about me and is still talking to me. I'll be nice to her but im not gunna spend too much time with her anymore, im just generally a nice person and i couldnt imagine being a douche to anyone. And she is a very fragile girl but i do understand now that my chances with her are nil.
Thanks for the advice :D
By Cursed at 02,Apr,12 17:50

Trevor-
Plenty of Fish. (POF) Lots of babes- you're better off, cause this dude will be dumped in a week- mark my words!


By anonymous at 03,Apr,12 01:38

Can you keep us posted ??
By Trevor at 03,Apr,12 08:29

Well it now turns out that i might be moving to India in the summer. And shes still talking to me because i dont want her to end up hurting herself because of something i say. I cant bring myself to say anything mean to her, and I honestly dont want to. I'm pretty sure if i never started talking to her she never would have broke up with her boyfriend in the first place so i feel like this was mostly my fault. But she still wants to be my friend and hang out and stuff but i told her that the last 3 weeks meant a lot to me. The thing is I had met her family and her parents and they all loved me. She met my mom and my brother and they loved her. Her mom was devastated to hear that she chose her ex over me. And if she was able to just chose her ex like that the last 3 weeks probably didnt mean shit to her. I told her if we have still have a chance for anything i would try my hardest to convince my parents not to move to india, but if not i would be glad to move to india and get a fresh start. She knows she made me happy, she made me happier than anybody else or anything else. But it hurt a lot for her to just get up and legit chose someone else. And all she said to that was "Well not right now... im with my ex... but who knows about the future. Try to convince ur parents" If she had feelings for me she would have said so. She told me that the last 3 weeks did mean a lot to her but if they really did as much as they did to me she obviously wouldnt have gone back to her ex. so fuck it i'll gladly move to india and be away from this fucked up town
By Trevor at 03,Apr,12 09:01

I honestly hate the people here and the people in my grade. I've always been afraid of opening up to people because im afraid of losing people. All of my past friends that ive grown close to have ended up moving and its the worst feeling in the world to me. I had shut down the last few years and had avoided getting too close to people because in the end i just feel alone. I was hesitant about opening up with her, but i did. And now i wish i didn't cause she now knows the real me like very few people do. I gave her my heart and she threw it on the ground. Not even the few friends that i do have know the real me, and they wouldnt understand me if i showed them


By colly at 03,Apr,12 07:22

I used Magical Messiah Extreme Spell casting for 14 months and the results were outstanding. He was always there to answer any questions or queries that I had and to put my mind at ease. He encouraged me to be postitive and his love and devotion really helped. I would have no hesitation in using his services again the freemercytemple@yahoo.com id can help anyone of any problems. -- COLLY, London


By Trevor at 03,Apr,12 22:36

I just smoked pot again today and i blacked out... i dont know what the fuck happened. ive been feelin real sad today but ive been covering it up around my parents and my friends. My parents wont fucking let me rest or sleep or just be alone. They forced me to go out and be with friends, which i knew where gunna make me wanna smoke more which i did. And then i did and while i was talking to my friends they told me that i just collapsed onto the floor, and hit my face on the wall. I thought that i curled up into and ball and fell asleep but they told me i just dropped. Before i passed out i remember my hear beat getting really fast and complaining about it. Next thing i notice that i was laying on the ground and i felt like i was dreaming. It didnt feel real at all. Everyone was gathered around me and kept asking me questions and idk i just layed there. They took me to the kitchen and gave me a glass of water which i slightly remember them giving to me and taking a few sips of. But then i collapsed again onto the floor and couldnt get up. I dont remember anything but they told me i hit the side of my face on the table twice and fell over the table and hit a candle and then fell over and knocked over the trash can. They then lifted me up because all i could remember was being on the ground and barely even being able to tell what was going and i felt like if my heart would race any faster things could have gotten bad. They told me that my pupils where totally dilated and it was all black. They layed me on a couch and helped me out and tried to figure out if i had a concussion which im not sure i got or not. But i felt this really high pitched ringing in both of my ears but it eventually went away and then. It was one of the scariest moments of my life and i honestly feel like my life is so fucked right now


By anonymous at 05,Jun,12 16:56

Wayyy to long. Just kill yourself.


By missu at 06,Sep,12 01:00

my name is missu and I am happy that wiseindividualspell@gmail.com help me bring my boyfriend back, my boyfriend has started loving me again and he has promise to get married to me and have kids with me, he said he love me and he will never go close to any woman accept me and promise to get married to me next week.


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