was a bright kid but growing up with undiagnosed adhd had problems with motivation at school. my dad died when i was 8, didnt have many friends at school, got bullied, started drinking and smoking when i was 15, got left back at year 8 at school, was lazy and unmotivated, got left back again after a year of doing everything else but study, quit and did construction jobs, went back to start my school, moved in with my girlfriend, everytyg thing was going good, had a part time job in a kitchen working weekends and evenings and the whole summer. got depressed cs of unsociable work hours, split up with gf, lost motivation for school, by that time i was 18.
left the country to start a new life in uk. worked in restaurants saved money and did a an arts foundation course, after which went to uni, got in a goverment debt. realized i didnt have the skills to do uni, got kicked out, now im living in a house with korean immigrants in a tiny room, working 12h x 5 days a week in a kitchen for a shit wage and soul destroying work, no actual education, no career prospects, no parents to live with, no licence, no car, no money, no gf, no friends, no time. lost all my dreams goals, and hope. only thing keeping me alive is my mother to which I owe everything. every day is dark lonely and absolutely meaningless and I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. ppl say im still young but to me that means longer suffering ahead. dread to think whats gonna be when im 30. im horribly depressed and therapy or pills cant help cure a shit reality. It seems that suicide is inevitable at one point or the other.