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my beautiful life story

Posted by anonymous at April 2, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Attitude  Meaninglessness

was a bright kid but growing up with undiagnosed adhd had problems with motivation at school. my dad died when i was 8, didnt have many friends at school, got bullied, started drinking and smoking when i was 15, got left back at year 8 at school, was lazy and unmotivated, got left back again after a year of doing everything else but study, quit and did construction jobs, went back to start my school, moved in with my girlfriend, everytyg thing was going good, had a part time job in a kitchen working weekends and evenings and the whole summer. got depressed cs of unsociable work hours, split up with gf, lost motivation for school, by that time i was 18.

left the country to start a new life in uk. worked in restaurants saved money and did a an arts foundation course, after which went to uni, got in a goverment debt. realized i didnt have the skills to do uni, got kicked out, now im living in a house with korean immigrants in a tiny room, working 12h x 5 days a week in a kitchen for a shit wage and soul destroying work, no actual education, no career prospects, no parents to live with, no licence, no car, no money, no gf, no friends, no time. lost all my dreams goals, and hope. only thing keeping me alive is my mother to which I owe everything. every day is dark lonely and absolutely meaningless and I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. ppl say im still young but to me that means longer suffering ahead. dread to think whats gonna be when im 30. im horribly depressed and therapy or pills cant help cure a shit reality. It seems that suicide is inevitable at one point or the other.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 03,Apr,12 01:01

you are 30. take time to dedicate yourself to learn something new for straight 5 yrs and you will be fine.


By King David at 03,Apr,12 01:49

I feel your pain. I'm not quite in the same boat as you, but I've been there psychologically. I gotta say this though, if you are believing in yourself or mom or the lesser evils of the depravity of man- you're S.O.L.
Only Christ was capable of pulling me out of the quicksand that I found myself in.
I said a quick little prayer (and I meant it with all my heart), and in less than 30 days, the beauty of life returned. The tables turned in my favor, still no gf yet though; but that's cause I can't decide.
I do have to keep my own end of the promise: read at least one chapter of his word everyday (even if I have to repeat what I read last time) no matter what order, and find a church that preaches his word as appears in the bible. The second part was so hard, I almost backed out of the deal completely.
But I asked for help again- and I got it.
Friend, if you need help from God, simply ask- He's not going to say no; not when you actually need help.
Don't take your life. Please, if you feel you have nothing more to live for, or your 'light is dimming' turn your life over to Christ.
He will make you a new. Like a rose growing out of concrete, it's not within the chances of logic, but it is possible.
-------
You may not believe in God (ever or anymore), but the words I speak to you are true, sincere and from the heart.
I feel for you.
Take care and pray.


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