I am female & in my mid 20s. I already have a Bachelor's, but with no luck in the job front for over a year, I am back in School, taking prerequisites for a different career path. However, recently I have been dealing with severe anxiety and depression mixed in with hopelessness. Errands and chores people would normally find "easy" are now strenuous and anxiety-inducing for me.
A lot of it is related to school stress (Social Anxiety, & Panic Disorder), mixed in with self-loathing, put-downs, and horrid body image issues (i.e. My weight, meaning I have struggled with being overweight most of my life so far, & have been gaining weight recently). I have started therapy, which seems to slowly help, & I have also seen a psychiatrist and I am contemplating medication, but I don't really want to go on an every-day med...I don't know, I suppose it's due to the stigma attached to daily meds, i.e. "Ohh, your crazy" or "You're stupid, you don't need that...it's worse for you then it is good." etc etc. I am trying to help myself, but sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself.
I moved back in with my parents a half year after college, due to joblessness/no money, so that has been hard, as well. My mom recently has been telling me, "You can be this pretty again, and your face had a nice shape, too..." when showing me my high school senior year portrait. I was really (& am really defensive) about my weight, & she simply says, "Oh, I didn't mean it like that. I just mean you would be prettier...unless you think you are prettier now. Do you think that? Do you think you are prettier now?!?!?!" & then my personal favorites: "Don't you care about your life? You will never have a good life/a job, or a normal life if you don't change..." & likened my relationship with food to a "drug addict." So, currently, I know my mom loves me, cares about me, & is worried, but the way in which she communicates and goes about it is not in anyway helpful. I also have a friend I recently caught up with who had lost loads & loads of weight (I mean super skinny status) & it was just really uncomfortable eating in front of her, & when there was bread on the table, & I would reach for more, she told me, in a stern voice, "I will be your coach. Put the bread DOWNNN now!" like some sort of Bread-type nazi. I mean, correct me if I am wrong, but this strikes me as a bit extreme...But maybe it's what I need? I have no clue, because I have tried it all, and I am so sick of trying. I just want to curl up in a ball and disappear -_-.
Lastly, I have been in a good relationship for 1 and a half years so far, (though every couple has their ups & downs). I am very insecure though, and recently my boyfriend has been physically/emotionally distant, at least in my mind. My problem is I am the queen of misconceptions, negative projections, and over-analyzing the crud out of stuff. Currently, I am trying to cool it,(since in my further anxious/depressed state I feel more clingy, which I absolutely LOATHE feeling) & give him his space, yet I am also there for him (just not in the affection, intimacy department) to allow him time to sort through his feelings/what he is going through. An example I give is that I used to try to kiss him or be all over him(being a very affectionate individual) but lately he has pulled away, given me a peck, or flat-out said no. So, I figure, based on advice from friends/blogs/etc giving him his space & working on myself more is the best approach, though any advice from a male (or female, too, who has been in this same situation) would be helpful. | |
If your boyfriend is there for you, it is ok to be alone. Talk to your therapist about it as well. I wish I had seen a therapist years ago. Hang in there, it will get better. I have struggled with my weight too. I found that walking helps my mental well being as well as keeping the weight down a little.
You are only in your 20s. Life is just beginning. You can do it!
Hey there Fat Tabby...sounds like you're a shitbird nutcase who is only happy when she's putting herself down. You're one of those people who genuinely likes to feel sad and depressed all the time because that's a good excuse for not communicating with other people, because deeeeep down, you're a real pussy, Fat Tabby.
I can tell you're smart, too, because you went all the way through college, and then couldn't find a job after that so you........um....went back for more, after moving back to your rent's home. Yeah....ok...real good idea there! Hint though, women's studies probably didn't qualify you for any jobs, and your new path, african american studies won't either. I have a plan for you on that though. Get back your tuition, write me a check for half of that, then I'll cash it, punch you so hard in the tits that your milk turns into butter immediately, and then we'll call it even.
Your boyfriend is gay...just be ready for that. He's gay as fuck, and only attracted to you because he knows you're "safe", in that you don't really mind if you don't get the stinky waltz...ever. yup...you're safe, so your little mangina sparrow fart of a boyloverfriend gets his way and you get nothing.
Man, your plans are really working out!
Fat Tabby, I fucking hate you like a wet fart on a desert hike. I'd like to beat the self loathing out of you with the silicone leg of a plus size model from cacique that I stole to make a love doll out of that didn't work because I put the ass and pussy holes too close together and they joined up and made it so I had to tie a board to my ass to keep from falling in.
Have a GREAT DAY Fat Tabby!
Holy fuck you're weak.
New Comment