i was abused. mentally and physically. like mop the blood off the floor and throw that shirt away cuz ull never get all that blood off physically abused. i was mentally abused. my mother is sick, she has a way with words and making the world and the people around me seem like absolute monsters. i trusted no one.
my parents seperated, but not divorced.and they didnt tell me. my mother took my and my siblings away to another country. they didnt tell me i wont be coming back for a long time.every year for nearly a decade they promised me that next year ill go back to my country and get away from the absolutely horrible country i was.
my mother had an affair. i was clueless, or i wanted to be clueless.i believed the guy was my moms "business partner". it wasnt until my neighborhood was all whispers about my mom and neighbors asking us to leave the area that i had an inkling of wats going on. we moved. everytime id see something suspicious and ask something my mom wud go on a frenzy and make a show of trying to kill herself.
she told me that my dad cheated on her and he cheated before. she told me all these horrible stories about what my father has done to her and how horrible he was. the thing is that might be true, but my dad treated me like a princess. he never yelled at me and always listened to me. to hear that the one parent i trusted and looked up to did something this horible. i didnt want to believe it, but i soon found out it was true, he had 3 relationships while we were gone. he bought stuff for these women that he wudnt have gotten for me and my mother in a thousand years. the last woman stole my mother and fathers credit cards and ran away.
still, i still considered him the better half of the parents.my father wud call every week and every week i wished i cud tell him wats going on but all hell wud break loose. i wish i cud tell him how my mom screams at me and my sisters for literally hours, and how shed get so mad that shed leave the house and i had to wait and hope she comes back. i wish i cudve told him that my mom had threatened to kill me and has put a knife to my sisters throat, to scare me into obedience.i wish i cudv asked himself if all of what i heard about him was true i cudnt....i was to scared.
we came back to U.S. by surprise. we showed up at the front of our old house, and a woman opened the door. my dads wife. for 6 monthes we lived in the same tiny house. my dad, my mom, the step, me and my sisters. it was horrible. everyday there was a fight between either or all of the adults. finally the step divorced. i had a room to myself. i painted it blue and decorated it. a month later we lost the house becuz we cudnt pay the morgage. we all live in an even smaller house. we r on the brink of homelessness. every other day my parents fight. now my father is about to lose his job. my mother is still trying to find a job, as am i.
today i find out my father wants to leave us and the states. he says he lost everything and has nothing to lose. if he leaves he cannot come back. my mother wants to leave the country too...i dont know whos gona take care of my sisters and i.
i dont like my parents but without them my siblings and i will die of starvation or something. i want to get away from this mess and run away but i cant cuz i cant leave my poor sisters alone, they r too young. im too young to be their
gaurdian and even if i cud, i have no source of income enough to keep us all.what do i do???
i wish i had a normal life more than anything. my goal in life is to have a home, thats mine. a house i dont hate to step inside. a house thats stable and gives my peace. i dont want to be rich, i dont want to be famous, i just want to be happy. and waiting for happiness to come is too hard! every day of my life that passes is a day passed in vain. a day i cant take back. i cant take back my youth. and the fun and carelessness i will never have. i will watch teens pass by carefree and irresponsible and laughing, and i go green with envy. if only i had that... | |
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