I took 4 years to get an 2 year degree in college. All through grade school to high school, I kept to myself and had very few friends. The few friends I made, we no longer talk. Even in college, I try to get study buddies, but after the class is over, we do not see each other. I wish I could attend party universities, but then again, I might just be alone again, because of the way I am.
I am not very charismatic, because I do not know what to say or say it well enough to fit in with the guys or charm the girls. I am not very smart, because I am a slow learner and I am forgetful like a high functioning retard. I am short and weak for a guy. I am fat and ugly...
I still live with my parents. I am unemployed, but have not really been looking hard enough for a job. My mom recently left my dad. My dad also told me to get a job and move out.
This is where the story really begins:
I used up my savings to buy a small silicone love doll instead of a car to drive to work or rent my first apartment. I did this in desperation, because I have never had a girl friend and had accepted the fact that I never will. Also was tired of jerking off.
I was happy for a little while until I realized how empty it was. I would spend hours talking to it, but I know she will never tell me what I need to hear. I would spend hours cleaning and dressing her up, but she would have no where to go. I wasted time that should have been spent finding a job, working out, studying, or socializing with people. Simply put, I was doing the exact opposite of what I needed to do to not be lonely.
I know that I cant introduce my doll to my parents. They simply just wont understand me. I cant take my doll out in public without raising eyebrows. I cant enjoy a romantic dinner with her, because she does not eat.
If you have ever watched the movie, Lars and the Real Girl, then you would know what it is like that I am going through. I am just like that Lars character, except I dont have a job or a girl interested in me. I am very immature, awkward and uncomfortable to be around.
However, I do not regret buying this silicone love doll. I feel good about knowing that even if I do not get some girl's number, I have my doll waiting in bed for me. Also, I am glad I do not have to listen to a women nag, complain or bitch about shit, because my doll does not say a word.
Most importantly, a living breathing person can not be substituted for a life like object. Despite all the benefits that my doll has brought me, it would not be as great as having a lady love me for who I am, marrying her and being a father some day. I still need real human interaction, emotions and conversation. Or at least that is what I am convinced to believe.