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Miserable

Posted by anonymous at April 6, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Drugs

I've been smoking weed for a year now. It's like a hobby for me. I've been feeling depressed for a long time and have been smoking marijuana for some relief. It helps me sleep and I feel great when I go to school (which I hate very much). But it's so expensive for me. I have no job and to get large quantities, I usually need to have a large amount of money, which my mom gives me 20 dollars every two weeks. That means every two weeks, I spend all of my money on weed, and then I'm completely broke again. I'm always broke and I know it's my fault but I have to choose between being broke or being depressed. Being depressed does not feel good, so I spend all of my money on weed. Not even realizing that I'm going to feel depressed again shortly after it gone. But I feel like I need it to feel like myself again. My friends and my mom tell me that weed is a big waste of money and I shouldn't do it, but the only time I ever feel alive is when I'm on it. I have no money at all right now and I just spent 30 dollars on weed and it's gone today. I feel horrible. My mom doesn't want me smoking weed and I hate that I spent my allowance on it. I have to wait one more week to get some more money. I have no money at all and I seriously feel like crying. I know the simple solution would be to just quit, and I've already considered that. One main reason why I feel depressed all of the time is that I feel alone, I don't really have any friends to hang out with. I do have one, but his mom usually never let's me (or anybody) really come over. So I usually just sit home bored like a loser, and marijuana usually comes to my aid (should I have the money). It's spring break right now for my school and I'm sitting at home without a damn thing to do. I feel so ashamed of myself for letting myself get so hooked on this drug that I told myself I'd never get hooked on when I was little. I think I'm going to quit. I feel like I have no life whatsoever. I'm just sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I desperately need friends to hang out with. I spent serious time thinking about this, but I've found the main reason why I felt I needed marijuana. My friend that I mentioned earlier, was the friend that I use to hang out with all of the time, every time there was no school, I'd usually always be over there. But ever since his mom restricted how many times I can visit (I'm usually over there a lot), I've been bored without a thing to do. When I hung out with him, I had no use for marijuana because I was always having fun, I used to laugh at the thought of doing drugs. I had more friends, but they all moved away, which is another reason why I've sunk into marijuana use. While everyone else is out enjoying themselves, I'm sitting here like an idiot wishing I didn't waste my every 2 week allowance on marijuana. I don't really expect anyone to feel sorry for me, but I need some advice, if you've done drugs before you'd how I feel right now. The withdrawal stage in drug use is agonizing. I've already got my mind set on quitting, that's burned into my brain. I really want to get a job, too, but no one in my town is hiring, and when they were hiring, I've applied at every place and didn't get a call back. I'm 17 and never had a job, a girlfriend, a car...nothing. I'd settle for any job, any car, and I'm not really that concerned about a girlfriend right now, but I just thought I might mention that anyway. I'd probably have a girlfriend right now if I had transportation and money. I feel so low right now, that I've even looked up a website like this to discuss how low I'm feeling with just anybody who reads this.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 06,May,12 05:05

Its all in ur head buddy. I've been smoking 2 joints a day for the last 6 years.. Dam near spent 500$ a month on weed alone. I had a job and a car and a prescription for medical marijuana and u bet ur ass I used the shit out of it. I loved weed it was more than a high. I was passionate about weed and I still am but abour 3 months ago I decided I wanted to turn my life around so I sold the bag of weed that I had, gave my pipes and bongs away and quit over night. It was tough for about a week but I kept myself ocupied. Instead of rolling a j I read some stuff online or read a book. I kept it in my mind that I have to make myself a better person and what better way to better urself than to help others (that's y I'm posting this) stay busy keep ur mind occupied and try to make more friends even if ur not the best friends ever at least ur not smoking and u'll have some money u can save .. Imagine 500$ a month over 6 years!! That's 36,000$ I coulda bought a benz!!!


By anonymous at 02,Jun,12 20:03

Experience is the best wisdom. Listen to the people who have lived thru it. I started smoking bud in high school and into college. My craving to smoke and inability to attend class because I was sooo damn blazed all the time eventually led to me failing almost all my classes. I also got sucked into using psychedelics on a bi-weekly basis(Every 2 weeks). My life was perfect and planned out and my shit was together. i was an athlete, I had girls, I was winning in life until I started smoking. Weed and other drugs set me back 2 years. I fried parts of my brain. I felt less of myself. I got depressed. Life started falling apart. My friends were off at other schools living the dream. Girls stopped chasing me. education became something I loathed instead of wanted. I am 21 and just now finishing my freshman year. After realizing weed was the root to my laziness, apathy, and inability so socialize; I quit and started having bad withdrawls. I began to go to church and it helped. I was clean for a good 2 to 3 months and it felt AMAZING. I felt happy. I felt like I got part of my soul back. You have alot of life to live. So much you cant even comprehend it. Will power is the key to quiting, and ending your weed habit will push your will to your limit but it is well worth it. Heed the wisdom of the ones who have gone before. You can do it!! And you have much to look forward to


By anonymous at 25,Jun,12 05:37

Yo, all that smoking weed contributes more to the depression you feel sober than you realise. Dont worry life gets better when you are no longer relying on your mom for an allowance.


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