LIFE SUCKS

untitled story

I feel like I started off well enough. My childhood wasn't really warm and fuzzy, and at times wasdownright miserable, but I don't think that is why I am here. I excelled in school, and through most of college- but my last year of school went horribly, and it seems to define my existence these days. I broke my leg and was bedridden for the better part of four months. This led to a very serious weight gain and thus the development of a thyroid imbalance. This, in turn, led to a horrible breakup with a man who turned out not only to only value my appearance, but to be physically violent. In the midst of this, as graduation neared, I chose to drop a class unnecessary for graduation, but necessary for grad school.

I say all this to explain that I don't know how to live the kind of life I'm living. I'm single, overweight, I live alone in a city with no friends, and I work as a temp for just over minimum wage. My degree is unemployable without grad school. And then I started drinking to make it easier to cope with the fact that my life had plummeted. I know it is dumb, but here i am even more isolated, even fatter from the booze, and even farther from my goals. Its a vicious cycle, and I'm too lonely and too hopeless to put in the work to turn it around. If I had someone worth making proud I would do it, but what Im doing makes it so Ill never meet anyone worth making proud.

I think it makes me more lonely to know it's my own fault.