IDK just doing some searching and found this site. God where to begain? My whole life has been a struggle to stay alive. When I was born back in 1982 I was a bastard child that from the get go tells you something. My mother couldn't raise me so she gave me to my dad. He couldn't raise me either (hooked on drugs) so my grandma at her old age tried to raise me. When she could no longer raise me she sent me off to go to the home of the innocents. From there I went to 3 different foster homes and was abused in the 2nd one hince why I went to the 3rd one and was abused in that one (even had a broken arm..yeah WTF a broken arm and I wasn't even 3) so my dad who managed to be sober long enough suggested to the aurthorities I should be placed in the care of my great aunt. So I was raised by my aunt from age 3 to 18. Everyday I was either beaten, locked in my room and called every name in the book. My confindence is shoot because of that. Also a good part of my life I either working in the yard ( did everything by hand because my aunt thought I would break something...she always would say I could fuck up a N***er funural) from like mid afternoon to dust or hanging out in a bar while my aunt played the slots...it was so bad at times that the customers would feed me food and of course when she manage to leave I was blamed for one thing or another and shortly afterwards beaten till she didn't feel like it anymore. About the best that my days got was either I was alone for hours upon hours playing Nintendo while she was at the bar or I was at the Boys and Girls club or sad to say school. School that's a whole other story. See I have this speech problem ( prolly when I was choked when I was in one of the foster homes) and all the kids would make fun of me like everyday. I acted out a lot which further seprate me from the other kids and I got into a lot of fights. I even got expelled in 3rd grade. Finding a girlfriend was and still is a problem or basically non existent. Girl after girl would reject me and it didn't matter how cute she was, what her personility was or her background it all came down to no. I mention lack of confindence and getting rejection after rejection didn't help me either. I mean for real for real?? Not even at least given a first date. Hate it when V day came/comes around and even more so when there was a dance...I was one of those guys who sat on the benches and watch everyone else have fun. I really don't even try anymore I mean why does it even matter? and how long do I have to be said no to until I relize it would always be no. So with that being said I manage to get a girlfriend (my one and only) when I was 18 and she by no means an ideal girlfriend and most of my friends and family would agree. Like we would have to sneek around to hangout, bribe her step brother and sister if we got caught and ect...her grandma didn't like me and my aunt didn't like her and well it was an endless cycle just to be with each other. We stayed together for 5 years had a child and well we now have been broken up for about 5 years now ever since she slept around on me and then took off to go back home with promises to come back ( yes I was going to forgive and forget) but she never did come back. I've been single, dateless and for the most part sexless since her. BTW 2months after she left me she got preggy with another person. With the situation about my son man the system is so one sided. I always seem to be the one who puts out the cash. It cost me 1500 just to get visitions solitified her cost 0. It cost me about 200 in gas and 8 to 9 hour round trips to pick our son up to visit me her cost 0 her time 0. I pay child support and still even get the guilt trip to fork out more money. For example I'm paying her phone bill because she says its my responsibility to pay it because if I don't then I wont be able to talk to me son. I pay rent and work and ect ..she for a long time paid nothing for rent, had no job and basically gets everything handed to her. I went to college and got my assoc degree and now working for my BS degree and yet still work at the same job for 4 years now and not once been offer a promotions but instead sat back and watched 3 people who in less then a year became managers...one of them no one likes he's a arrogant condensinding prick the 2nd one quite and the 3rd one got demoted. I only got one pay raise which brought me up to a grand total of $9 per hour and with that being said with such low pay I went and filed for Bankruptcy about a year ago. This suxs cos not only do I have a degree in the field I'm working in but I bust my ass day after day and for what just to watch others get the chances that should of been mine. OH yeah I was in the Army at one pont of my life and besides of the free housing and food it basically was like living with my aunt since the hazzing was as sure as the sun raising the next day. It seems like I alway followed the normal outline of what it takes to become successfull...grad high school, go to college, be nice, be a gentleman to the girls and ect ect but I guess in my world I should of done the opposet. Let's see my childhood friends didn't grad from high school but all got higher paying jobs then me, my other friend who was one of the ppl who became manager but then demoted well he never went to college but he picked up a second job and been working there for 3weeks and is already in the process of becoming the manager at his new job at a $40k starting sal. All my friends have no problem getting GF's or even dates if they are single. So should I say fuck it?? Quite my job, drop out of college, rip up my assoc degree and treat every girl like the scum of the earth (seems like only dicks get the girl anyway)??? Maybe then I'll get a great job or at least a promotion where I'm at and also maybe I'll also end up having girls flock over me...idk just seem to me I'm fucked either which way I go.