I am in an endless rut of work, school, home. I have no one to consider a true friend. They only reach out when they want something. The same with my family, they all are fake and maybe jealouse. I spent too much on helping other people that would never be therefor me. So, I have withdrawn from useless people within the last 2yrs. Guys use, abuse, and cheat on me. At least 2 out of the three or they are completely useless. I have a degree and working on my next one. I have a good and stable job that you don't need a degree for. Yay, an I don't make crap! I can barely afford moving out. I live with my parents at 25 and my dad treats me like he hates me and is always negative. Both my parents treat me like a child. I want a dog because I feel that's the only thing that I can look forward to. To keep me moving forward. I do love my job, but i despise it at the same time because this position is below my capabilities and i dont make enough to be self sufficiant. My mom constantly says no, I can't have a dog (because my brothers never took care of theirs). She tells me when I move out, knowing I can't afford too. Life is so short and nothing is promised. I'm tired of people saying I'm going somewhere when clearly I'm not. I've done a lot, but it's never enough. I have volunteered in the FD. I running out of reasons to live today. I can't keep looking to future happiness that may never come. So, I plan on getting a dog and letting the cards fall where they may. I may live in my car that I don't have yet (I'm currently carless). I don't see myself having a happiness. I have only experienced it for a brief period in my 25yrs of life. I don't expect to meet a decent guy, get married or have kids. I don't expect to have any "real" friends anytime soon, although I get along with almost everyone. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or why my life is this way. I'm a good person and work very hard, but I'm dealt bs all the time. I'm alone in the world, at least that's how I feel. I don't understand.
Release me from my misery. | |