Well, I can't stand living like this. I'm a guy, 17, and gay. I'm a junior in high school and I have no friends. People don't want to talk to me because they think I'm weird and awkward. This is my first year at this school since I transferred and last year I was bullied a lot at my former school. I'd been bullied since my 1st grade and I grew up hating myself and everyone around me. I am very antisocial and socially inept. No one knows that I'm gay, well I told someone who I thought would become friends with me but he ended up disappointing me. I've talked to psychiatrists since I suffer from major depression and anxiety, but they don't seem to be helping. I'm very hopeless and I cut myself. I don't have a phone or anything, I'm not into anything that would help me get to college. I want to go to college but I lack motivation and support. I am very unhappy all the time, cry all the time and people see me. My family are never there, they always work and I know they also have their problems and all but they never talk to me instead they call me mentally I'll or retarded. I share rooms with my 16 year old sister who hates me, we don't talk to each other and I don't care. She has more friends and she has a phone. I think she knows I'm gay and has called me gag many times. I hate myself, I have never attempted to commit suicide because I'm scared and I think about my little brother and sister. I love them. But I'm tired of everyday being the same. I barely talk, I want people to hear me. I want a boyfriend. I'm also very ugly and fat, which makes me feel so hopeless. I've had crushes on lots of guys who don't even notice me at all but I always cry and hurt myself. I wish I had a friend. I want someone to help me. My family can't because they are also becoming Mormons and if I tell them that I'm gay theyll probably disown me. I have already disappointed them, specially my dad. I'm failing classes and I'm starting to not care. I just wish someone would come into my life and give me a stronger reason to live... | |
well i made no sense. whatever, you sound like a nice young man, not a fucking punk ass motherfucker, you could make one young lady happy, or if you a hardcore gay then go find yourself a partner, so that he could make you happy... or just wait out the bad times (that also works)...
First of all, I've been where you are - at least, the closeted part. I know it can be really hard, especially when your family is less than accepting - don't come out if you don't feel safe. But remember, you're not going to live with them forever - you're going to go off to college, or get a job, the future is wide open. Life is tough now, but it wont always be like that. For example, in college you could volunteer at gay organizations - there's usually an lgbt outreach or something on campus. It's also a great way to meet lots of gay people :) and who knows, you might just meet the perfect boyfriend.
hope this helps!
Well, that's easy to remedy.
Work out, go to the gym and lift weights. You're probably an emotional eater and grub up any food that can get your hands on. That's bad, really. You have to be extra wise and picky with what you eat to avoid excess intake of calories. At any rate, I have no idea what your own concept of beauty is so i can't judge you purely based on your 'i'm ugly' statement. Besides, teenagers always feel unreasonably ugly all the time. I guess it's the complex part of growing up. We start to think we're ugly bec. our need to be loved isn't getting satiated. fulfilled. It's our body's response to danger that makes the pain and what also tells us that we have to do something about it. So for you to feel better, try something out. Get into an organization that is built for the gay community in your school. And yea, you might actually find your special someone there by just being an active member. Don't be afraid to try. Things will look up for you, eventually. Good luck. :)
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