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I don't understand why I'm even here.

Posted by anonymous at April 14, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Health

I have always hated my life. I have been suicidal since i was 10 and had severe clinical depression since i was 6. I've also had an eating disorder and body dismorphic disorder for as long as i can remember. I was recently diagnosed with OCD and an anxiety disorder. My anxiety keeps getting worse and i have been having at least one attack every day. I'm maxed out on meds and they don't even work. I was sent to 5 different rehab centers this past year for the past 6 months of my junior year so now i'm going to have to repeat the grade or drop out of school. i have no talent whatsoever so i have no hope in finding a career. I also have hundreds of scars on my hips stomach and left arm from cutting. I have been self-mutilating for my whole life in almost every form. I overdosed the end of my sophomore year on alcohol and no one cared. my best friend didn't even notice until my sister told him why i was gone 5 months later. this is the best friend who convinced me not to commit suicide when i fell in love with him. He is the only one i have ever truly been in love with, and he just recently told me that if i want to kill myself then go ahead because he won't care. i have felt so completely hopeless for so long. i don't want to be here but i cant get out.


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By anonymous at 14,Apr,12 21:06

with what u say, ya no ocd and body dismorphic. I think rehab and truly truly truly try to help urself there. and u could have a great future with being a counselor. have u ever thought of that.? u could counsel people with things that ur r so familar with. and nasically this is an addiction u have. so once an addict, always an addict. and by that i mean u could be a recovering addict and feel good bout ur self and not have these issues but being down that ro.ad would make u an addict. i am speaking from experience, i used to be a heroin addict. i am no longer addicted but i am still considered an addict. i would never use again but since i have been clean( over ten years) i can still smell it, taste it, and i will always wonder what that last high would have been like, even though i have no intentions on ever using again. SO JUST TO SAY AGAIN, IT SEEMS LIKE U HAVE LOTS OF POTENTIAL ( counselor)


By anonymous at 15,Apr,12 05:25

I agree with the other comment. Though I have other advice too. Jesus. He can set you free from your disorders. You said that the meds aren't working, so why not try getting spiritual? "Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28
Why not take him at his word and see what happens? Before you diss it. Jesus has helped me personally, and many others, but most importantly Jesus has given me life, eternal life in heaven. He died on the cross for all of our sin, ask for forgiveness and he will forgive. Accept him as your lord and savior and he will give you life. ĄCast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never allow the [consistently] righteous to be moved (made to slip, fall, or fail). Psalm 55:22 (AMP)

ĄCasting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5:7 (AMP)

Best Regards,


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