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Im ashamed of myself big time

Posted by its been a hard life for me at April 17, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Attitude

Im a white male just turned 26. i live at home and don't work. I suffer from depression bipolor ADD ADHA and have my whole life. i take meds for them everyday. parents pay for them every month im very implusive senstive im a good looking guy always wear nice clothes very nice kind gentle guy I was made fun of most of my life in school.Never had many friends ever and still don't to this day. i was brought up well. live in a nice house and have nice stuff had a good childhood taught what was right and wrong dad has a good paying job my parents are very loving non absuive and been married for 35 years. Spoiled rotten gave me everything even a nice truck i am very lucky person to have such loving parents but i hate my parents i have for years now and don't give them respect but anyone else i always respect themI never wanted to work and was never pushed to work when i was a teenager. when i would work i would work for a few months and quit cause i did not feel like working anymore.For a long time now all i really do is eat and sleep and play video games Even though its wrong to steal i have stolen money and other things over the years. parents have bailed me out from things i have done over the years. i have had to learn the hard and the sad part is i never learned a lesson from it.Almost went to jail for stealing but never went cause they bailed me out a few years ago and never asked them to bail me out.they have always been there for me. i have no desire to look for a job. i know what i have to do too make it in life. im not afraid of living life on my own. i just don't have the desire or motivation to do it Do i wanna live on the street and be very lonely poor man no but im heading that way. I know i can change that but just don't feel like changing my life.i have gone to different shrinks and therapists therapy over the years but nonthing has really. Out of all my 30 family members im the only one who doesn't work. It hurts to know that im the only one. parents have so much stress and are very worried about me i have goals and dreams but they may never come true. As im typing this right now i have been crying the whole time there are many times i wish i was dead. its so hard for me. I don't know what will happen to myself it scares me alot. wish i knew why im like this. why don't i feel like changing my life. im afraid i may never get well.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
To all the altruistic people out there, start being selfish July 10, 2012
Sux November 18, 2010
anxiety March 19, 2012
I Am Ashamed Of Myself(Please read the whole story) May 1, 2011
Wasted days September 20, 2011



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 17,Apr,12 12:09

I know how you feel. I know exactly how you feel...you want to try but you can't, your stuck in a hole of your own making. I don't see how your situation will change until you are forced into another situation. Your parents need to give you tough love and make you leave home. You need to be responsible for yourself, they have been enabling you to live like this for too long. Yes you may have been diagnosed with all these mental illnesses, but you won't get better until you get some kind of reality check. Until you are forced to survive in the world. You should try volunteering, preferably volunteering in another country where you can gain some perspective and help others - the rewards that come from that will help your self esteem. Therapy generally doesn't help many people. Not sure what kind of therapy you've had but maybe try CBT, studies have shown it works, and it works better in the long run then drugs.

Anyway I really do know how you feel...


By anonymous at 17,Apr,12 15:20

I Know how you feel, im 32, never had any real friends, goodlooking & get laid often, but rarely have girls stick around ( for my choice or theres)

I just hate everything, just wanna live on a boat alone in the caribean.


By anonymous at 17,Apr,12 17:18

i also just wanna leave and live on an island somewhere. i really cant take much more of this. im a good looking 26 year old girl with plenty of options but im just tired of my life here. dont have any friends, just moved to a new city not by choice. sick of it all. sick of pretending im fine when im not.


By anonymous at 19,Apr,12 04:15

It's abut how youresnt your self from here on. While its nice to rip open a gift. Even more so an idea I've had for a while is to take some of the stuff I have, the gift wrap it., to reopen. Hope it works I may try it.


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