I am 25 years old. I dropped out of college because I couldn't afford it. Now I'm working a job that only pays $11 an hour and they only give me 30 hours a week. I can't afford to live on my own anymore. I have a boyfriend that I love but I hate being unable to pay my bills and getting behind on everything whiles he's doing really well. I won't ask him for help because I'm not a damn golddigger, but I hate watching him spend mimoney like its nothing while I'm struggling. I miss my freedom. I get treated like shit at work, I hate my job but I can't quit because then I'd really be screwed. I physically feel bad because I can't afford to go to a doctor, and none of the programs to help people will help me because I'm not jobless and I don't have any kids. I feel like I've tried so hard to be responsible and make good decisions but nothing just ever works out. I am so tired of how pointless everything is. Work hard and still not make ends meet. Don't get knocked up and be .one of those broke moms with dirty skinny kids, don't get a bunch of credit card debt and still I'm not happy and can't make ends meet. Make just enough money to not have to declare bankruptcy but always behind on bills. I work shitty hours when I do get to work, with people who treat me like dirt. In my free time I can't do anything but Sig here eating ramen and feeling shitty because I'm lucky if I have the gas to get to work, much less to do something that's actually fun. There's no point to any of this but misery and more misery. I wish I could just get in a car or camper and drive until I have no more gas and just enjoy existing. Anything has got to be better than this. I'm not suicidal, just so apathetic. No athiest wants to hurry death, but something has to change. I almost hope there's some huge 2012 apocalyspe because I'm so so tired of making money just not barely pay bills. Capitalism is bullshit. This whole life is bullshit but you can't do anything fun without money. There's no enjoyment for me in anything anymore.