Who gives a shit, right? My Dad died at 59. I'm 52 and counting. It's simple. I wake up and for one precious moment I feel like a child; what will the day bring?......what can I do today? "Oh boy, another day...." and then, well, the day begins.
Everything turns to shit from there. I work from sun up til sun down and come home to a filthy house, a bunch of filthy laundry.....that despicable creature....hunger, (as though cooking and cleaning dishes is somehow pleasurable and entertaining simply because I'm a woman.)
Most days go by without laughter......and I mean truly......I haven't had a belly laugh in years. I smile some because it's my job. I have to be cordial. Coming home is more like torture more than anything else and I look forwrad to it because I always think I'll get some rest...and then I walk in the door into a pile of shit. Of course, I'm the woman and I'm supposed to clean it, I'm the woman, so I have to shred all the junk mail, I'm the woman so I am responsible for the meals, the laundry, clearing all horizontal surfaces, the filty dog-hair encrusted floors, the feeding of the dogs and other large animals...... and I am the woman and therefore if these things aren't done, I'm the only one who seems to beocme perturbed by the filthy, unkempt mess.
I do not have the energy to take pride in my surroundings when others don't give a flying crap. I hate my life almost from the moment I wake up. I listened to music for a while today and danced with wild abandon among the overgrown grass and bare-limbed spring trees. Fuck the neighbors and fuck everyone else. I almost had a good time but then had to come back into this hellhole. I did not cook and therefore had no supper. Darling husband ate elsewhere. This little piggy gets none.
Everything I've ever done, including birth, (I was a blue baby,) has been wrong. I am wrong. There's no reason for my next breath. I work at a place that is owned by a Pastor. Think he'd give a shit if I told him I'd rather be dead than live another miserable minute? I'm sure he'd be surprised. I don't let on. He'd probably feel bad. He's a nice man. I'm sure he'll find out eventually. | |
you are 52 years old. YOu should just enjoy life than complain and etc etc. YOu are only making it harder for yourself! As far as the house issues then go and tell them to clean up after themselves!
Perhaps you should seek GOD. you aren't young anymore to be acting like this or hateful towards your life.
What more if you end up in a convalescent and have to be bed ridden. WAKE UP AND THANK GOD for you can clean and cook cause you are still bless healthy.
You would not know how many elders I know wish they can just be independent and how the smallest things they are appreciative in life.
Go to a nursing homes and see how it is for most of them.. Im a nurse so I deal with this everyday.
I'll pray for you. God bless
It sounds to me like the "piggy's" in your household need to step up and PITCH IN! It's because you DO EVERYTHING, that it has become EXPECTED. Time to put an end to the FREE LOADING, LAZY, INCONSIDERATE, members in your house who are obviously taking advantage of you!
Everyone should pitch in with the chores. Period. If they are not willing to do so, then charge them CLEANING and LAUNDRY FEES, and hire a maid. You shouldn't be the one burdened by the load for everyone else! But- unless you put your foot down, it will continue- status quo...
Good luck!
Cursed
New Comment