I'm 18 years old now and for the last 5 years my life has been completely fucked up. When I was 14 my dad cheated on my mum. My mum has serious mental problems and needs help. Even before he as this he used to Physcially and mentally abuse me and my sister. She would threaten to kill us throw things at us, try to suffocAte us. I think she's got multiple personality disorder mixed with a number of other things but who the fuck knows shea just completely insane. When my dAd moved out she starting threatening to kill herself, shoving pills in her mouth in the middle of the street. While this was happening when I was 14 my sister was 18 my sister would just sit and play her video games like nothing was happening. While I was trying to help my mother. When i was 15 I started smoking, drinking, smoking weed, taking LSD and pills so numb the pain. Being made from a seriously mentally I'll mother I too was susceptible to the trauma she has. I become extremely paranoid I thought all my friends were Talking about me, laughing at me, planning to kill me, watching me when I was alone and worst of all I thought everyone could read my mind. It got so bad I couldn't speak from the anxiety and the delusions i was so caught up in. One morning I woke up from a night of partying and when I was walking it literAlly felt as if my brain had collapsed and hit the floor. I don't think I'll ever know but ever since I've never been the same. At 17 I went to see doctors about what I had turned into- a friggen nightmare. At the time I was also bulimic I would starve myself for the day and if I ate I would throw it back up. I was seriously unhealthy. At this time I was diagnosed with drug induced psychosis, manic depression, OCD but I don't label myself as a diagnosis. I am now 18 and my mother is still a crazy alcoholic who lies to me. She is so fucking fake. She's drinking herself to death and sometimes I don't care, she makes me feel so guilty about what's happened to her, as if it was my fault. As for my sister she's a bitch does t Care about anyone but herself. I have 1 friend and everybody else hates me. I'm recovering I have had a full time job for over a year and am nice to everyone but still people hate me. Why are people so cruel. Does it make them feel big? I have lost my trust in people and the world. Everyday I have suicidal thoughts but i couldn't do it. I don't have the guts. So I'll live this miserable life I have with the emotions thAt I deeply lack and I'll fake it like I'm happy and everythings ok.