I'm really just sick of this fucking world we live in. Iv'e never done this before but here it goes. I feel like iv'e had a pretty decent life until about 10 years old, when my father died because he had hepatitis c since i was born and my mom was left the raise me and my sister alone... My middleschool expirience was pretty miserable and i had hardly any freinds... a bullies because kids would give me shit because i never really learned how to play sports because of my sick father, and i was kind of a nice guy who i guess let people walk on me. IN highschool i started smoking weed and drinking while ditching school and drinking at home because my mom was an alcoholic and allowed me to drink her beer which turned me into an alcoholic at age 17, getting a total of 7 misdemeanors hanging out with the wrong kids who i thought were my friends but instead i was just a person to get fucked up with. I only had one girlfriend during highschool (only serious relationship i ever had) whom was a cool girl, but ended up being a total whore who fucked my ex best friend. I changed schools to a secondary school ( dumbed down highschool) and nothing seemed to get better and barely graduating as a SUPER senior. i only had one job since the two years after i graduated for two weeks and got fired which is the only job expirience ive ever had...I am now going to be 20 and had been drinking just about everyday for the last 2 years heavily (12 beers a night) and now i have gained weight since "graduation" have alcohol dependence and severe memory problems and chest and neck problems which i went to the hospital to adress but just said i was drinking too much and gave me some pills a shooed me out the door. I don't really have any hobbies except guitar which i'm not very good at and i feel like i don't know anything about cars,guns,sports (man things) and i pretty much feel like taking my life.... a week before my birthday. Thanks for reading my long story... and I hope your guys can get it together better than i can. | |
Personally, I think it would help to talk with someone... You've got a mother who is an alcoholic and you've lost your dad. I'd say that warrants some therapy time- In anycase, it's not surprising the way you feel- drinking just makes you more depressed, so along with all of your other troubles- you're adding an addictive depressant to the mix. No wonder your bummed!! In anycase, you've got to get a grip on the drinking. It will get you no where- fast. As for the "MAN" things- cars, guns, sports, that's all stuff that you can immerse yourself in- SO, instead of grabbing a brewsky, try getting involved in CAR's, Guns, and Sports. Guitar too:) Trying to quit drinking on your own, is gonna be tough. Go to AA. They have people that can help keep you sober. I've been to many meetings, and believe it or not, they do help. Sitting in a room, with a complete group of strangers, talking about misery. Sort of like this place!
But, in all seriousness, you are young, and you have a great life ahead of you! Don't allow alcohol to ruin your spirit- do yourself a favor, kick it now, so you don't end up forty, in the same situation you find yourself in at 20!
AA Meetings are listed for every town, every city online. Go to one, and check it out. If it's not your cup of tea, try something else. One way or another- you gotta get your shit together!
Good luck-
Cursed
I know theres no way ill ever understand how you feel or what you are going through but I speak from the heart when I say I have an idea of the emotional sufferings you must be in. My life is not any better. I wish I was 20 again and you have that one thing I wish I can get back so you should be thankful for your youth. Its not too late you can have a future!
You need to get off the alcohol and drugs if you want to get better and just let go of all the hurts and pain from pasts.
Dont give up! a week before your birthday You should be celebrating you will turn 21. Happy Early Birthday and My prayer goes out to you.
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