I was always a sensitive child but I was really outgoing. I loved life but things started to change. As a child I loved to be with people and just have a good time. If a person, if I knew them or not, was in trouble and no one would stand up for them I would!!! I hated to see people get hurt. Even though I would do anything to help my friends the sad truth was that they wouldn't do the same for me. When I was younger I would get teased a lot (i guess it really couldn't be helpped since I always got in the way of bullies) and since we were always moving I never had long time friends. when I turned ten, my family and I moved to another state and by then I felt broken. I couldn't trust anyone. I thought they were all the same. 'they will hurt me...if I get close...they will hurt me', was all I could think about. A few years pasd and I met a girl. At first she was strange and I avoided but she kept coming back and talking to me. She was so kind and funny that I started to relax a little. Later on I found out she had many problems of her own and I thought that we could be there for each other. I thought that I could be useful because she needed me to comfort her. I let my guard down and we became close friends. As the nex school year started she changed. I guess she got tired of me because she traded me for a new girl who transfered to our school. I didnt mind that she had friends but she only saw this new girl. The only times she talked to me was when she needed something. I felt like an idiot for thinking she needed me as much as I needed her. We are still 'friends' in fact she calls me her best friend but she doesnt listen to me. Whenever she calls it's so that I can comfort her and once again I am alone. Since the very thought of being alone was so scary I pretended to be something i'm not. I say I have friends but none of them would help me when i'm down. I have an overwhelming sadness and hatred for myself that I feels like i'm dying inside. I feel that no matter what I will always be alone. | |
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Trust me honey, things will get better. Find a new BFF. Find new people to hang out with. Stay positive. Focus on your schoolwork, and focus on bigger and better things- like your future!!
Good luck-
Cursed
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