I guess this is the part where I tell everyone how shitty my life appears to be in some ways. The truth is, I know how to fix them but it's like an ongoing record. I think too much. I wish there were some things I hadn't discovered, that way I could've stayed naive; like the rest of the world.
A couple of years ago I discovered The Law of Attraction or The Secret, per say. Of course, at first glimpse, you're thinking... this is complete bullshit. At the time I was like every other kid my age; young and dumb and full of cum but I didn't know any better. I was heavy into pot, I tried every other drug in the book just because I had the chance to and I grew up in a very dysfunctional yet mediocre family, if that makes sense. When you're told that your thoughts and feelings create your life, you feel like you have to actually monitor what you're thinking about all the time. Essentially, what you're thinking about creates how you feel. If you're thinking the situation you're in right now sucks, you're not going to feel very good and vice-versa. So when you think about it, it makes sense. The hard part is actually being proactive. Monitoring how you think is not easy... why? It's usually the situations in front of us that tend to hinder us from actually thinking before we do... make sense? Meaning, we can't control the circumstances that happen to us but we CAN control how we react to them. So in reality, it's really not only monitoring your thoughts but actually monitoring you, yourself and how you react to everything and everyone around you, regardless the situation.
This concept isn't hard to grasp. The hard part like I said is actually knowing what to do. This is where I'm at. I know what I want to do, I have an idea how I'm going to do it but the steps in doing it itself is too slow for me. I'm very impatient and I just want out now. Unfortunately, this is why I'm stuck. I can't control my thoughts and for that, I can't control how I feel. I'm so awkward socially or at least I come off as that because I'm so analytical.. about everything. So, as I think about all of this, it's like a game of ping pong inside my head; I'm constantly going back and forth between thoughts that I feel are right then wrong, but happy then sad. None of it makes sense. Finally, I know I'm crazy.
I'm 20 years old and I need professional help.