God... where to begin... I'm a 22 year old pathetic excuse of a male with few to no redeeming qualities. I have few friends, and the ones I do have I either rarely see because they don't want to include me in almost anything or are just using me for car rides, money etc. and have nothing in common with me. I am a failure, and I'm not using the term lightly... I'm talking about physically, mentally, and even spiritually as well. I fail at everything... even things I'm intensely interested in; failure. Anything I do from math problems that my peers can do with frightening ease even though they binge drink every night to video games 10 year old kids with downs syndrome can beat... it always ends in failure. I do so poorly in school that I dropped out of college... everyone else seems to be able to succeed in school with no sweat, but the simplest of things I can't even do, and even the things I DO get right, I forget almost all of it once the stress of the test is gone. It's not like these are minor "oopses" everyone has; no, the failure never wears off and I just can't do anything correctly. A lot of people like to laugh, gawk, and make jokes about it behind my back and a lot of others just feel sorry for me. Well FUCK THEM. They can eat shit and die because they have no idea who I am or what I'm going through being human. I'm extremely short and skinny and people mistreat me for this too; at my job, everyone else gets away with slacking off while I have to work double-time to make up for it... and I still get paid the same amount. Women especially treat me like garbage because of my height and thin physique. At least they have some sort of code of chivalry... people are expected to be chivalrous towards almost all of them no matter what and men have no code for that, meaning it's open season on people like me. I'd work out or whatever, but I have a problem with my right arm and shoulder blade and it feels very stiff because of relapses from a fractured collar bone I got in a car accident. I know a lot of this sounds like a molehill to some of you out there... yeah; if you're not the victim. I feel like I'm trapped in prison which is my frail, weak, stupid body and no matter what I do ends up in failure no matter if I try to succeed for fun or for crucial reasons or it's for the sake of self or anyone else. That's ok... I'm eventually planning on going to some foreign country, writing my suicide letter abstaining my family and friends from the blame, my will, and jumping off a skyscraper; they likely wouldn't care about some dead gaijin anyways. Gonna cease this joke of an existence... I'm just waiting for a time where I'm not too much of a pussy to do it.
I could go on all night... but what's the point when in the end it makes no difference anyways, just like the nature of the universe? I can't wait to fade away into oblivion only to be a forgotten memory caught in an endless sea never to be even imprinted into the memory of this realm of existence.