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Could be worse, I guess

Posted by anonymous at April 22, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Relationship

Let me start off that I married the love my life, knew her since second grade, but it took an awkward course to get to that point. I carried a torch for her for many years, even after she got pregnant and married another man. I always hoped the best for her. Well, she left the dork, and had partial custody to the kid. She slept around a bit (didn't know this till later).

She looked me up many years later and we got together, but her son and I never really got along well. The first day I met him, I made them a spaghetti dinner. When I was holding my plate of spaghetti and she was helping him to get something off the top of the fridge, he turned and spat right into my plate of spaghetti. At the moment, I wondered if I shouldn't have left just because of him. The spoiled little brat. I forgave him for it. Big deal kids can do that, and how many men did he see go through his mother's life. I was just another number to him.

Before were married, she cheated on me twice. One she admitted to, the other I guessed, but never confronted her. We did get married, and in our 15 years of marriage, I never had the suspicion that she cheated. At least, I hoped she didn't. I try to trust, but I always have that little nagging voice in the back of my head. I loved her, but it felt like she never ever really truly loved me back. Lately, it feels as if something "broke" inside of me, and it feels like I'm having a hard time loving her. Things changed she lost her good-paying job, and could never get back on her feet. My income wasn't enough to keep the house, and we lost in foreclosure, went through bankruptcy. I was convinced this would really tear us apart. Thankfully, it did not.

We had no choice but to move into her mother's basement. Her mother is a hoarder, and a very controlling woman. We transformed that basement into a home, but we have to walk through an cook in the upstairs. The smells, the cats and dogs, the piles of newspapers, a garage busting at the seams with crap! It has been a very difficult last two years.

Her son, whom I tried to raise as my own over the last year. I tried to be understanding, supportive, but also the one discipline him (she never seem to take much interest in that, she really wanted a man who would do that), but despite my best efforts, he dropped out of school, got involved in drugs and alcohol, couldn't hold a job, constantly picked up by police, committed an insurance fraud, destroyed his car, was caught with child porn (though claimed up and down he didn't know what it was--yeah, right), and now serves jail time for it. I guess the only upside is that he found religion in jail, but we'll see how long that lasts.

So, ultimately here, I feel a great distance between my wife and I. It has been two long years without any intimacy from her. It's like she's "tired of sex," but boy, she could put out in her younger days (but not to me).

I'm a cartoonist, but a failed cartoonist. I feel like I have lost any relevancy in my older age, that I'm a dime-a-dozen. I'm lost in a sea of wanna-be's. Everywhere I look there's another up-and-coming comic artist in a field that is already so over-ridden with already-bad comic art & writing, plus they're younger and better artists/writers. How could I ever possibly compete? I think my failure has disappointed her, that I've let her down, and that I won't ever amount to anything. The only good thing that has come out of this is my lovely daughters. They do dote on me. They don't have a great relationship with their mother.

We're trying to get a house currently, but the bankruptcy and foreclosure are too recent, so we can't a loan for three-to-five years, depending on how I clean up my credit history. However, in the time, I fear my wife will leave me. I know my daughters would stay with me, but then I don't know where I would go. I certainly am not staying at the mother's-in-law. I'm sick of the smell and the crap and her controlling ways.

Every friend I've known in my childhood lives faraway. I can't even afford the phone bills and talk to them, and besides, they don't even want to talk problems anymore. It's all rather superficial.

My own folks wouldn't want me living with them. I and my girls would disrupt their lives too much. They're set in their ways.

That's about it. Not as bad as some, but it brings me down.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
yes life sucks February 11, 2012
I lost faith in myself March 15, 2012
My wasted life May 2, 2011
??????????????? March 14, 2010
My life is worse than yours, stfu. March 15, 2012



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 22,Apr,12 19:43

Poor guy
All I can say is the first and only person you should worry about making happy and proud is yourself!
If you're not, how can you possible hope to make others happy.
Sorry to say but your wife isn't worth it. You seem like a nice guy and deserve better
...and, by the sound of it, you have wonderful daughters
Good luck buddy my prays are with you
By anonymous at 22,Apr,12 19:50

poor guy indeed..


By anonymous at 22,Apr,12 20:24

I might just be a child but I want to say something to help. The girl you've dreamed about isn't what you may want her to be but do you love her? Ifso them you at least have to try. I've know too many people who have given up on love before they even tried. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. That's all you can do. Your comics. You have a dollar and a dream but you can't give up. Make it a side thing but never stop. Opportunity will come your way one day. And you'll be able to get out of the slump you're in. but it takes time. You have to be calm. Look to you're daughters. They love you. They're there for you. They are the rocks in your life. They'll make you happy when you're down. I believe in you. And I hope the best for you.


By bob at 22,Apr,12 23:16

That certainly sucks. Toy really need to focus on your happiness and not worry about things you can't control. I say, dump the wife and leave that hell-hole.


By anonymous at 23,Apr,12 05:52

Some times we need to take the time to morn our situation. Once you have done that it is important to take ownership of your life and circumstances. No one wants to be with some one who is down we all want to be on a winning team. You're down and only you can get yourself back up. If your current career won't work go back to school, start a new one. Get a temp job, a small apartment then just work on you. Don't worry about your wife wanting you, flip the script and she will come running to you. By then you may not even want her. Good luck.


By anonymous at 23,Apr,12 06:57

The wifey arent worth it, Dump her, Try wealthfares, supporters and start on a new path
Gooood Luck.
You have alll my support :)


By at 23,Apr,12 09:48

Good day old chap, did your wife cheat on you with a midget perhaps? Those jamrag little buggers!!!!! I say, grab yourself a Boddington, catch an arsenal game, and find a nice scottish whore to bed down. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
By anonymous at 23,Apr,12 11:23

LoL
By anonymous at 23,Apr,12 12:33

Lol


By anonymous at 23,Apr,12 12:34

Agreed


By anonymous at 26,Apr,12 11:14

Well, thank you all for your support, I'm surprised at the response. Thanks you! It's funny when you write this stuff out, just get it off your chest, it makes you feel better.

As an update, after writing this, my wife has finally opened. She told there was only one affair in the very early on of relationship, but none after. I do believe her. We're still not 'intimate,' but I think that will come. She does want to work on our marriage, which is a relief, and she wants us to work harder to get out of her mother's.

As for my comic career. I will keep trying, I will hold onto my dream, and pray that one day I will find my niche.

Thanks again, everyone! Love this site, and hope the best for each and everyone of you. God bless.

Hey, Mercy, you made my day! LOL!


By Jesse B at 23,Apr,13 20:58

I really feel for you. I know how it feels to be cheated on and to feel so broken and damaged by this world that you don't want to go on. You fell worse than worthless. But you're a cartoonist, and that is a one of a kind passion. I'm always on the hunt fir an artist being a comic book writer. My email is jesseberberich@yahoo.com. Let me know if you want to work on something together.


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