I was beaten and sexually abused as a kid and it really fucked me up. Im over it for the most part although im 17 and it only stopped a few years ago. My mom left and has been occupied with her life. My dad is literally nuts. He just threatened to take all the dishes/pots/pans are going to be put in storage because sobody cleans, although i do the dishes and am the only one who has done the dishes unwillingly since HE cheated on his wife and fucked everything over. So... now i have no food. no dishes or appliances to make it. no job, no firends, no love. I have pretty severe back problems and wonderful case of insomnia leaving me with 3-4 hours of sleep a night, if i sleep that is, wich has also been ignored by my dad for years.
My dads bipolar and a severe alcoholic aswell.
Ive been suicidal before when i was young ( not uncalled for )
and really dont want other people to have to go through what i went when a few of my friends decided to hang themselves. Rip.
I dont wana kill myself i just dont want to be me. Idk what to do. Join the reserves in another year of hell cause nobody will sign off on it. Im home schooled now too online so I dont really have to worry about much.
I just want to live half way across the country, leave everything and everyone change my name and hopefully become wealthy and find someone cause theres nothing in life that really means anything to me. Dont really care about education, im not nor have I ever been passionate about anything. Been to a psychologist, tried a list of drugs prolly about 10-30 kinds of drugs doing a shit load of different things.
So basically im just akward living in this shit with nothing to look forward too and everything in my past is just a scary blur.
Dont see much point in living, not just myslef but everyone.
I dont see a reason to get up in the morning, go to work, play with your kids, do to the gym come home go to bed do it again. Everything is just so pointless.
Well all be dead, and then the only people who will remember and be sad is a few generations. then theyll die. and your gone, forever.
I dont bealive in reliegon and I have pretty good reasons for it so if anyone does comment please leave the, Find god hell help you always, or the whole after life. I mean no disrespect towards anyones bealives I just ask that you do not push your onto me.