I've never done this before. Really, I've never vented about how things really are. I'm in my mid-30's, a college graduate and live alone. Never had a relationship nor any close friends. I'm in debt to the tune of over hundreds of thousands of dollars due to my education and have very little money and no contact with my family. The bright spot of the day is when the mail comes. Literally, when a bill, or a credit card offer comes to my house with my name on it, it always feel like I exist in some way. I work alone and have very little contact with any co-workers. I've attended numerous concerts and movies alone. I always sit in the back of the theater due to being humiliated by being alone. I always look at couples and people who have someone with them and would deep down give anything for this. To be honest, I feel very isolated.
It seems I live in complete silence. Literally, I can consistently hear the clock ticking on my wall and at times, I forget what my voice sounds like. That's why I go to the movies alone, because I can actually hear my voice when I place an order at the snack stand. At the grocery store, I make an effort to talk to the cashiers, so I can hear my own voice. I tried to adopt a cat from a local shelter to have something to care for, but my allergies prevented this. Every day feels like an eternity. Literally, the days are very long. Some of you may think that you have no meaning in other's lives, but the mailman, as insignificant as it may seem, is one of the most important people in my life. As pathetic as this may sound, the mail gives me a feeling of importance ( ...my name is actually on something, therefore I exist to someone/somewhere).
As for this writing, I'm not saying my life sucks but living for countless years in complete silence and isolation tends to wear one's hopes thin. However, I do try to find hope in my small ways.