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The Sound of Silence

Posted by anonymous at April 22, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Loneliness

I've never done this before. Really, I've never vented about how things really are. I'm in my mid-30's, a college graduate and live alone. Never had a relationship nor any close friends. I'm in debt to the tune of over hundreds of thousands of dollars due to my education and have very little money and no contact with my family. The bright spot of the day is when the mail comes. Literally, when a bill, or a credit card offer comes to my house with my name on it, it always feel like I exist in some way. I work alone and have very little contact with any co-workers. I've attended numerous concerts and movies alone. I always sit in the back of the theater due to being humiliated by being alone. I always look at couples and people who have someone with them and would deep down give anything for this. To be honest, I feel very isolated.

It seems I live in complete silence. Literally, I can consistently hear the clock ticking on my wall and at times, I forget what my voice sounds like. That's why I go to the movies alone, because I can actually hear my voice when I place an order at the snack stand. At the grocery store, I make an effort to talk to the cashiers, so I can hear my own voice. I tried to adopt a cat from a local shelter to have something to care for, but my allergies prevented this. Every day feels like an eternity. Literally, the days are very long. Some of you may think that you have no meaning in other's lives, but the mailman, as insignificant as it may seem, is one of the most important people in my life. As pathetic as this may sound, the mail gives me a feeling of importance ( ...my name is actually on something, therefore I exist to someone/somewhere).

As for this writing, I'm not saying my life sucks but living for countless years in complete silence and isolation tends to wear one's hopes thin. However, I do try to find hope in my small ways.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
Alone December 20, 2010
untitled story October 10, 2011
it's over March 1, 2011
Life is bollocks November 24, 2011
shit happens April 5, 2010



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Comments:
By anonymous at 23,Apr,12 20:31

If youre for real, which i think youre not - Ill be your online friend - email me radiomind30@gmail.com


By anonymous at 23,Apr,12 23:30

forget about the online stuff. you need some face-to-face interaction with other people. join a club of some sort, volunteer, do something where you interact with others. self isolation isn't good for your mental health. no one but you can do something about it though.


By anonymous at 24,Apr,12 01:43

Thank you for posting this. It helped remind me why I do small acts of kindness for others.


By anonymous at 24,Apr,12 03:54

You should watch the film Taxi Driver.


By anonymous at 24,Apr,12 05:36

I know the pain of student loans, it can be so rough


By anonymous at 11,May,12 03:23

I understand. Try going to meetup.com and searching for groups in your area. Living in silence and isolation makes you feel like u r going crazy. Join a church. God bless.


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