Well hey there everyone. I'm 18 years old. I live alone. I am currently working so that I can live. How do I start this...hmmm...I just came out, as a gay person. Yes, I am gay.
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When I was still studying in middle school, I was bullied. I couldn't fight for myself, because no one would understand. I really wondered, why do I like boys anyway, if I am also a boy. When I think of it, I just laugh. It came to me that never in my life that a boy would love me. Impossible. I'm not that attractive to start off. Not so good when it comes to relationships either. It's really hard to find a serious relationship if you're gay. It's never a joke. Sometimes I just wished that I was a girl, this would've never been a problem to me. And if I were a girl, boys would never bully me. They would respect me. Well, this is just a part of burdens that gay guys go through. And believe me, it's not easy.
17 years old. I needed to go to a university. I'm with people who are mature enough to accept gay guys. I do hope so...I made new friends. These times, I felt happy. I had a best friend. He is really kind...and pretty attractive. damn. haha. He doesn't know I'm gay. He doesn't need to know because I'm in love with him. Who wouldn't? all the girls fall in love with him. and he's also courting one of those girls. and he always tells stories about that girl. sucks. It's hard when you have to keep everything inside. but what can you do? you don't have anything against that beautiful girl.. come what may..
I'm finally 18 years old. I promised myself I'd tell him that I really like him when I reached 18. but I couldn't do it. at those times, my dad died...it was really a life-shocking situation...I really really love my dad. he's even my only ally in our house. my mom hates me because I'm gay. my brother and sister has their own lives. fuck this. I need someone. I just wish my dad would be here with me again. I miss him...I love you dad.
I heard this rumor in our class that someone was telling that I am gay. My best friend wasn't talking to me. When I needed someone to talk to, there they go. wtf. One of my friend told me that I was telling others that me and my best friend had something going on. That we are having sex and stuff. I mean, WTF. Why would I even tell stories like that?! and maybe that's the reason why my best friend's not talking to me anymore. why at that time, when I'm feeling very lonely. why would they do such a thing...
I needed to stop schooling. My sister needs to finish her studies first. I also made this a reason to leave school and forget my best friend. sigh. I applied for a job, luckily I got in. started working and me and my mom had a very bad relationship from then. She sent me out of our house. I had to live by myself. and survive. and up until now, I'm still living alone. I wonder where life would take me from now on. come what may~ | |
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