I'm a 16 year old sophomore. I've never had many friends but there was a few people I used talk to. Lately, all of them turned their back on me. The person who I once considered my best friend now ignores me and doesn't care about our past friendship. I felt happy during my last relationship, but it was only for a short while. I lasted a year with the person I ended up being used. I feel unwanted even by my own family, since my dad left when I was very young and the rest of my family tells me I am worthless, lazy and can't do anything right. I don't blame them because I know what they say is true.
I was in a public high school, but I had to transfer to a charter school because of all the social pressure in the regular high school I attended. Everyone had their own group of friends and I was alone, I always felt unwanted. I now spend the majority of my time at home. I wish there was at least one person I could trust, is ONE true friend too much to ask for? I don't know what I've done to deserve this isolation from the world. Sure, I have a few acquaintances, I go out once in a while, but I have no real friends. I get very jealous when I see other people with their best friends. I envy them so much because they do not know how lucky they are.
I have nothing planned for my future. I am a pathetic waste of life. I am disgusted with myself, but most of all disgusted with the people who did me wrong. This loneliness is killing me, and I don't know what to do anymore.
I have visited counselors, therapists and psychiatrists since I was very young, but that only made me feel worse and I started self harming. I feel the urge to end my life but the only thing holding me back is the possibility that my plan might fail and I'll just end up at a psychiatric ward, making everything worse. I can't even sleep anymore. If I were to die tomorrow, I could honestly say I never really lived. | |
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