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I am sick of this world I just want out

Posted by anonymous at April 23, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Failure

I am 35 years old. I never had a paying job, don't have an education besides high school, and have been diagnosed as mentaly disabled thoughout my whole life. My dad was verbaly abusive to me calling me abnormal and such. I never had any close friends in school, and I had more people making fun of me than caring. I've had clinical depression for decades now and even with powerful medication, dosen't seem to be going away. I try to go out and take walks, but it only solves it temporarly.

I am worried about losing my apartment because I have trouble keeping it clean and they do inspections of the unit every month. There is soot from deisel trucks that comes into my apartment which just adds to the misery. I feel like my life is stagnated (no job) and it feels like it's going to go to hell at any minute. There is another inspection comming up, and I feel my apartment is no where clean enough to deal with it. I've always had problems with cleaning and it seems like it has gotten to the point where it is just too overwhelming. Thankfuly, there is not much clutter, but it's stuff like stains on the wall, stuff like that.

I've been praying to God for the past month to please end my life. I don't want to commit suicide (fears of hell+scared to do it), but I don't want to go on anymore, at least not like this. I've been thinking of saying "f-it" and going to Philadelphia, and staying in a homeless shelter there, starting fresh and maybe getting my life back on track but I really don't know what to do anymore.


Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 24,Apr,12 09:06

You only live once, just do it. Why not hire someone to clean for you once a month. I'm sure you could get someone for 50 or 60 bucks to do it. It will be well worth the money and you will feel better about yourself. Good luck
By anonymous at 25,Apr,12 01:19

thanks


By anonymous at 24,Apr,12 10:29

I'm surprised you only have a high school education, you are a very good writer! I know that is off topic but I don't see any grammatical errors or mis-spellings in your post. I graduated college with a degree in English and you can write a lot better than most of the people I went to school with... just something to be thankful for I guess. Don't give up!


By anonymous at 25,Apr,12 00:25

Take a fucking rag, put it in a pail on vinegar and water and start at one end and work your way around. Just do it for fuck sakes, you'll feel better afterward. Nothing hard about that, you don't have mental problems you have a lazy ass who would rather live in a filthy open sewer hole with shit stains in your toilet. You clean up your place on your own, you will feel better.
By anonymous at 25,Apr,12 01:18

wrong and wrong


By anonymous at 27,Oct,12 01:09

Hope you cheer up. I would suggest getting some warm water in a bucket with some dishwashing detergent and use a cloth to clean the flat. Even if you just clean for 5 minutes each day. Watch t.v. Have you got a computer, go on that.Make yourself some cheese scones and eat with butter. Can you close the windows so the soot does not come in from the trucks. Try and clean the stains off the wall with warm water and dish washing detergent. Maybe you could get a pet cat.


By anonymous at 18,Mar,13 16:56

Yeah your writing is clear try some freelance writing - there are websites on line. Also you could look for a carer to help you out a few times a week. It will cost you a little bit of money but will help you out.

Yeah life is up for some & down for others. My cat is the best thing for me. As they say love is the only thing that matters.

Good luck.


By crorkz at 05,Aug,14 14:40

s4O9Cq Im obliged for the article.Much thanks again. Keep writing.


By matzcrorkz at 05,Aug,14 17:23

s9IrGj Very neat blog.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.


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