I feel like im a terrible person for complaining and im gonna say right off the bat my story isn't as bad as all of the ones I read but this is my last resort. Anyway this all began about 4 or 5 years ago. I was nine when I figured out my dad was an alcoholic and I love my dad but it all went down hill from there.( It didn't help one bit my mother owns a bar in saint cloud 5 mins away from where I live). My dad began coming home late and drunk. 1 year or less later my mom figured out my dad had been cheating on her with her bartender Peggy,not only bartender but good friend. And then my mom began to drink and I was all alone. Being 11 I didn't k ow what to do I was all alone and sort of an out cast at school,keeping everything bottled up.i lost my best friend,my mom. As a rebound my mom dated a young 27 year old named matt which I thought was disgusting her being 45 anyway I felt alone my own mother wouldn't even talk to me anymore. I would cry myself to sleep every night for about 5 month. And yes I could be being over dramatic,if you want to think of it in that perspective. But I hurt. Pain I haven't ever felt. I was still yet very close with my fathers dad. And on the day my dad had me every two weeks me and and my grandpa should talk for hours he made me laugh like no one could. About 4 months later he died of lung cancer. And I felt a lone again. Myself as a Christian I knew hurt my self wad wrong and a sin... Even tho I have attempted before. But never going far for even a scratch.to afraid. To much of a whose. even when entering in to 8th grade I started training my self to be "normal" and act completely different. But my action got me friends but never opened up to anyone and still crying every night that I had no one, no one at all. I'm sure I missed some parts to hard and hurting to remember. But this is where I am now. Still feeling alone and drowned in my own tears. And to think we use to be a "happy family".. maybe Thats where I was taught to pretend. | |
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