I am so unfortunate. I didn't choose to be born as a gay. Yet, I have to suffer through the consequences. No one really knows who I am... who I am deep inside. No one. Not even single one. I am alone. I cannot be who I am. I feel dead inside everyday. I feel purposeless.
Sexual minorities are more unfortunate than many other disadvantaged groups. Sexuality forms a big part of who I am and if I constantly need to hide this part of myself, then I cannot truly grow as a person. I am very sad. I have been meeting with a counsellor but he sucks. He too is gay but he really doesn't know what he is doing. All he does is trying to make me feel good, but I am not interested in someone trying to make me feel good. Rather, I want someone who can give me directions, a guidance that have practical usage in this world.
Life is hard. But life is even harder for a sexual minority. But people, the heterosexual people, just don't fully and truly understand or realize this, and they never will. I am very sad. My life is very unfortunate. I wish I was never born in the first place. I am 23 and this is one big thing that is and has been holding me back greatly.
I want to have friends. I want to be myself. I just want to be my free self. But I can't. I have been hiding myself for too long... I have been repressing myself for so long that now it's automatic. It's as if it has become deeply embedded as part of my personality. This is not who I was meant to be. No. Not this... Why.....