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This loneliness will kill me

Posted by Amy, 23 y/o at April 29, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Loneliness

I have been very upset with myself and my life for a long time, I chose a great career path and will be graduating with a degree in 4 months, but I really don't care for the job. I live with my parents and siblings but we rarely speak to each other. I've been acting out silently in ways those that know me would be shocked. I've secretly been finding men off websites and fucking them, no money or drugs involved, just liquor and sex. I can't stop myself. I've done this about 15 times in the last 5 months. I can't really say why- I'm lonely, bored, desperate for attention, mentally ill, not ready to begin my adult life? I don't know and most of the time don't really care. I'm hoping this is just a phase I'll forget about in the distant future, but when you think about how bad your life is, try and think about what I've done to myself, then you'll realize you're not that bad.


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New Comment

By anonymous at 29,Apr,12 22:53

Heywe all are attention seeking, we all want to be appreciated for what we have tooffer the world. Dont go to the extreme and do that anymore, by calling men up and sellign yourself short like that. We all have sexuality because God gave it to us, we must keep that to ourselves. try to find some man who will loe you for wh oyou are, try to findsome freinds you can hang out with, wh oyou click with. Thsoe are hard to find, but stay away completely and completely avoid, alcohol,drugs,any crazy sexual encounters from people online, that is only a temperary solution to a problem that can lead you down a road of serious bad low selfesteem. We all have issues. Try to find soem peopme youcan trust, people you can be free with and luagh with, peopel who will accept you for who you are, a group or 1 or 2 or 3 freinds who are responsible but easy going. Be careful girl! Dont let thsi life take you down, you're going to be stronger. Just rememebr to learn from your msitakes soemtimes we gotta learn the hard way. Not the way we learn because someone tells us. Keep your head up, relax,set some goal, jsut have fun, but dont get too crazy!(i know the feeling) but its notappropriate. Dont surround yourself with peopel who wanna bring you down the word is full of them, take a career test maybe you can find out more about yourself doing that for work wise, everything in lifeis going to be hard. Make sure you finda stable partner, soemone who will loe you unconditionally, dont you worry you're not alone. God loves you and will always forgive you and he wants to help you! keep your chin up!

By anonymous at 29,Apr,12 23:07

Wow. Firstly, go to a doctor and get yourself checked out. Seriously. I would be scared of catching a wicked STD or whatever. Next you need to get some help. If not a professional at least talk to someone you can trust because your behavior I fear could become more destructive. Information helps but you sound like you might need a little more than just advice or gentle words. Talk to someone and get some help. You need more than just some feedback from a website. Good luck to you.

By anonymous at 30,Apr,12 00:34

where do you live?
By anonymous at 01,May,12 00:12

Hey asshat - gotta ask. Why did you find yourself on this site? Maybe because you personify reasons why you are are unliked?

By anonymous at 30,Apr,12 07:36

Drunken sex with women with low self esteem..... Fantastic!

If you cried it would be just like my first time

By at 30,Apr,12 07:54

my dear, you remind me of my fifth wife haggas, she was a slag just like you! She ran off with a circus troupe midget. She was a worthless slag who would shag just about anyone. Oh dear, I feel a tear welling up in my eye. I remember going down on her one time and telling her I loved her. she said why did you say that twice? I said i didnt, it was an echo...... GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
By anonymous at 01,May,12 07:49


By anonymous at 30,Apr,12 10:51

By anonymous at 01,May,12 00:12

Hey asshat - gotta ask. Why did you find yourself on this site? Maybe because you personify reasons why you are are unliked?

By anonymous at 30,Apr,12 11:14

Even She is a Slut, she is still better than you fagots.
Just get someone to talk to Amy, you need comfort, same as all of us. Talk to us if that is enough, but find some comfort in your loneliness, you are certainly not alone out there and you may mean a lot to someone, now or tomorrow. Life is not that hopeless, is just the emptiness, the loneliness inside that crushes us.

By anonymous at 30,Apr,12 13:18

find yourself and be yourself

By Cursed at 30,Apr,12 14:22

Dear Amy-
If you were a man, you wouldn't feel guilty- you're buddies would be handing out high fives. Unfortunately, being a woman, there must be something wrong with you... or at least that's what "society" would like to tell you...Sex releases endorphins, perhaps it's that high that you're seeking? Maybe there are deep seeded issues you can't come to terms with and you're acting out? But whatever the case, if you're not happy about these sexual encounters, I would advise seeing a therapist. Addiction can come in many is just one of them.
Obviously- I hope you're using a condom? And please, be careful, there are a lot of "wack-oS" on these dating sites. A " casual sexual encounter" can quickly digress into scary, and then it's no longer fun, it's rape.
My heart goes out to you-

By anonymous at 30,Apr,12 21:00

Ill give you a lap to cry on,
By anonymous at 01,May,12 00:12

Hey asshat - gotta ask. Why did you find yourself on this site? Maybe because you personify reasons why you are are unliked?

By at 01,May,12 00:08

I am 40 years old with a wife of 13 years and two young daughters. Found this through a search as I am feeling lonely tonight. Don't care about your gender or the typical crap, but can appreciate how you feel. For what little it is worth, reading your post made me feel better about my situation, and for that I thank you. Be strong.
By anonymous at 01,May,12 00:10

And when I state that I feel better about my situation, I mean that I didn't feel quite so alone.

By anonymous at 01,May,12 22:02

Dont worry bout the sex, sex is what humans were meant to have. I havent been laid at all and that is much worse. Dont get any stds or kids though and youll be fine. For loniliness make some friends, by going online at okcupid and make some friends only. Or join a club in something u like

By amy at 10,May,12 22:01

Thank you for all of your comments. I forgot I posted this, and seeing my thoughts in writing makes me even more disgusted with myself. If I had money to see a therapist and there wasn't such a social stigma then I would go, but I can't tell my parents anyways so what's the point? I haven't fucked anyone new since this post so that's a small achievement. I wish I knew why this post moved the 40 y/o man so much. Does his wife or daughters do the same? I'd love to hear from a girl who has acted out like this too. I'll try and update this with any changes.

By matt crorkz at 21,Oct,14 11:17

lU4xx1 There is evidently a bunch to identify about this. I think you made various good points in features also.

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