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Posted by anonymous at April 30, 2012
Tags: 2012 April  Family  Life Story  Relationship

This will be a long read, so apologies and thanks in advance to those who read this.

I have never met anyone else with a life like mine, ever. Born to physically and emotionally abusive pill addict CA-razy mother (who attempted to kill me with her car once, and poisoned my food another time), I have nothing but bad memories from my childhood and adolescence. My father, although a good man in many ways, such as raising one of my brothers as his own -- a brother who was conceived while my mother had an affair -- was emotionally distant, and sometimes physically abusive. He died from cancer a few months before I graduated high school, which was a couple years after my parents divorced.

My mother had remarried after their divorce, and my stepfather was a sick bastard, an alcoholic. One day, when I'd interfered in my mother's abusive behavior toward one of my little brothers, she beat me with an electric frying pan and bit me (huge bites that bled profusely), then threw me out of the house. I went to live with a friend and her parents.

My stepfather lured me one night with the promise he wanted to help patch relationship between me and Mom, but he was lying. He held me prisoner in his car and raped me at knife point. I'd just turned 18. The police did not believe me despite evidence my stepfather had been drunk and had fake ID, as well as a knife in his glove compartment (after I escaped his car, telling him I needed to use the bathroom, and running to a nearby apartment complex, a resident heard my cries for help and called police -- they found my stepfather adjacent to the complex, passed out in his car). I'd begged the police not to tell my mother because I feared for my little brothers. I feared Mom would go crazy and kill everyone in the house.

I guess my pleading the cops not to tell Mom was a factor in their disbelief, as well as my stepfather telling them that we'd had an ongoing affair since I was 15. Oh, my god, it still makes me want to puke just thinking of it...Anyway, no one helped me, no family, and no friends really were there.

I eventually moved into the home of a former high school boyfriend who was terrible to me, used to beat me, among other things, but it was better than being on the streets or with my mother. It was he who told my mother what my stepfather had done. She threw my stepfather out of the house, but thankfully didn't kill anyone...I couldn't have cared less if she'd killed my stepfather, but if she went to jail, what would've happened with my little brothers? There was and is no extended family or close family friends to help.

Fast forward many years of shit, and I marry a man who seemed kind and sweet. We have four kids, and I doted on them. I wanted to be the mother I never had. I wanted them to feel safe and loved every day of their lives. One child has Asperger's syndrome, which was challenging, especially with no support from family, but our lives were not unhappy, despite my husband controlling everything financially. That changed in 2004, when my husband began to get weird, mean, started drinking a lot...He made the death of my best friend of over 20 years (she was like an aunt to my kids) and then the death of my mother six months after a living fucking nightmare for me. As if having my youngest brother come to Mom's funeral in shackles and handcuffs wasn't horrible enough (he is in prison for robbery). All this occurred end of '07 to April '08. Through it all, I tried to never let the kids see how bad things were or how devastated I was...I cried alone at night in the backyard.

Then in 2009, my youngest girl had a psychotic break. Turns out she has early-onset schizophrenia. Yay for fucked-up genes, huh? My mother, her father, and HIS father all were goddamned crazyballs from hell...Cruel ones, though. My daughter is wonderful and loving despite her suffering.

Of course, I can't possibly write all of the bad luck and tragedy in one sitting...Most wouldn't even believe what I've lived through or comprehend it all. And there are no words to express the loneliness and despair. I honestly do not know how I haven't lost it. But I needed to get some of this pain out...

Since my best friend died, I have no one at all. My husband's parents are uninvolved, my dad's family stopped being in my brothers' and my life when Dad passed, and no one on Mom's side has had anything to do with us due to her crazy nutbaggery. The neighbors next door were friends for years, our kids knew one another since the cradle, but they now keep their kids away and do not speak with any of us due to my daughter's illness. I am especially hurt for my little boy...He doesn't deserve to be shunned like this.

So, here I am today, under investigation by child protective services, who were called by the residential group home my poor daughter was put into at the strong suggestion of her quack doctor. They are awful -- criminally awful -- people, and I took my girl out of there two weeks ago. So they called CPS with bogus charges. Luckily, the CPS caseworker is fantastic, and is completely on my and my husband's side. She shook her head and sighed, said how tragic it is that so many resources are squandered on false claims...Said she will close our case as soon as possible. But still...Do you see why I might feel as if I am cursed? Does anyone get it?

ME, reported to child protective services! After all I endured as a kid, NO ONE helping or giving a flying fuck, ME, who devoted my life to my children, who does nothing but care for my family, reported to CPS, whereas someone like my mother and step-father were not. Ironic? I say "cursed."

Jesus, I'm starting to wonder if I need to sacrifice a goat or something.


Similar Entries:
cursed or just bad luck? January 26, 2012
cursed girl March 28, 2012
cursed suffering March 15, 2012
CURSED August 18, 2010
Unable to fit in October 27, 2010

New Comment

By mercy at 01,May,12 08:06

OMG! GOOD DAY SLAG, I call shenanigans on your story.......dont sacrifice a good goat, mutton is delish!!! had some at the pub earlier. jamrag. is your husband a jewish midget? You should pummel him anally with a cricket stick and see if that changes his attitude. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
By anonymous at 01,May,12 08:44

god fuck the queen!!!

By anonymous at 01,May,12 10:43

Hahaha! Yes, gawd save the queen and all that. But seriously, I wrote truthfully about some of my life experience, dear, and that's all I can say. Also, I forgot to mention that I have severe rheumatoid arthritis. So I am truly screwed to hell!

Humor has helped me survive my shit 40-plus years on this rock. I highly recommend it to everyone here. Try to find humor in everything, and never lose your snark. Life truly can be a living hell for some of us unlucky ones, and many folks whose lives aren't full of woe and tragedy will never understand...Many just don't care to understand. People are inherently selfish. It helps to view the human race as tiny-brained, devolving creatures who simply can't help their idiocy, cruelty, and overall assholeness.

Some days, you may feel like ending it all, that all is hopeless, and you may be right -- but if you find even one thing that makes you laugh, it can help overcome some of the darkness. Also, a nice vodka with cranberry can be helpful.
By mercy at 01,May,12 11:05

good day, forgive me love, i take back shennanigans. try a dry gin martini, it will help. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN

By benson at 01,May,12 12:47

Tell your problems to the freemercytemple he can solve your problems. As you know with my complaint to Doctor MESSIAH, Yates and I were in the dumps. It was definitely over. I had cheated on her and she just could not forgive me and I didn't blame her. But I still wanted her back and knew what a mistake I had made. I can't thank the enough for the thoughtful recommendations and for the spell casting cancelling guidance through this. She says she has forgiven me and we are talking a lot about getting back together. She is taking it slow just as the messiah said she would but I don't mind in the least because she is talking to me and says she still loves me - something she said she could never do again. It took a lot of work to get to this point but I wouldn't change anything about it. I hope someday I can meet this temple to thank for this good help in person.
By Cursed at 01,May,12 14:34

Bottom feeder
bottom feeder
bottom feeder
bottom feeder
bottom feeder
By anonymous at 05,May,12 11:49 Fold Up

freemercy give me ur money cons..

By Psychologist, PhD at 01,May,12 16:51

Focus on being grateful -- and I don't mean this like a lecturing parent. I say this as a PROVEN THERAPY STRATEGY for souls in pain.

When you feel gratitude, you can't feel anything bad -- it's one of the most pure, happy emotions humans have.

Try this. This sounds really silly, but it WORKS!

Go on you tube and look up Refugee Camps. Watch those videos. In a blink, your troubles are put into perspective.

Then take a moment and just be grateful for everything you have that those pour souls do not. If you focus only on gratitude, watch what happens!

Being grateful is a choice.

No matter what is happening, you can find something to be grateful about. That is the TRUE POWER you have. That is the SECRET TO HAPPINESS.

Try this. Get yourself super grateful, let that feeling take you over -- then go be with people. See what happens. Try this with strangers. See what happens.

Remember, people are like mirrors, they REFLECT what you are projecting. So if you hate yourself, they will pick up that vibe and bounce it back to you. If you project gratitude, that pure beautiful universal emotion will bounce back at you!

Always remember for anything in life -- spend 20% of your energy on the problem, and 80% of your energy on the solution. Stick to this and watch what happens to your life.

Always ask yourself -- "What is my next action?" Your brain will search for a solution.

Your brain's job is to answer your questions. So if you ask your brain a rhetorical question like "Why me?!" The only answer will be "You are worthless, you are cursed!" -- because that was the answer you were looking for -- yes?

WHAT YOU FOCUS ON IS YOUR REALITY. Your brain has no idea what is real or imagined. So if you if you get hurt once but think about it 1,000 times, your brain suffers it 1,000 times.

I'll prove it to you. Think of the juiciest LEMON you've ever seen. You slice the lemon. It oozes juice. You take the lemon slice and you BITE into it.

What happened? Did you salivate? Because you IMAGINED a lemon in your brain, your BODY REACTED as if it were real. So there is your proof that what you imagine is real.

So thinking about this? If you imagine something horrible happening to you, wouldn't your body think it's real? If you relived a painful situation, wouldn't your body think it's happening again?

Now... if you relive a WONDERFUL MEMORY, wouldn't your mind think you're having another beautiful moment?

So now that you know this, and you still find yourself dwelling on the bad emotions -- it's evidence that you are conditioned to suffering -- because now you have a choice.

This means you have to do some soul searching.

It's time to investigate, face your issues, whatever they maybe. Focusing on wanting friendships, relationships, problems, etc.. is your unconscious need for a distraction from dealing with your repressed pain. People you are with feel the vibe, it's like a radio signal that you can't hide.

It's likely deep seeded self-esteem issues (we all have them).

Be honest with yourself. Read books, or articles online, if seeking therapy is too scary. Self help books on self-esteem.

Focus on the solution, don't dwell on the problem. Burning your energy on the problem will only lead to addiction to depression.

Deal with yourself first, and your true energy will attract the life, the people, the relationship, the things, the love you deserve.

By anonymous at 02,May,12 18:55

This is one of the best replies I've ever read! Any books that you recommend? I would love to pick something up.

By anonymous at 02,May,12 01:50

don't give up, you have made it this far, I don't know if there is a heaven or someplace to be rewared after we die, but you have my respect for making it this far. I hope things get better

By get some at 05,May,12 11:49

Have a threesome, take photos too.

By missu at 05,Sep,12 22:31

my name is missu and I am happy that help me bring my boyfriend back, my boyfriend has started loving me again and he has promise to get married to me and have kids with me, he said he love me and he will never go close to any woman accept me and promise to get married to me next week.

By anonymous at 10,Sep,12 19:05

I wanna die.. I have three bestie (two girl, one guy( who is gay) during secondary school and one of them match make me with one of my secondary guy friend.. so me and the secondary school bf went to the same school and class during college.. he make mi dis friend one of my bestie and now left two bestie..(one guy,the gay and one girl who is bi)

and my this (bi)have the same relationship as mi..

our bf will use violence again us and we tried to suicide before

we both break up the same time but she is lucky she meet alot of gay friends and now happily in and relationship with her leb partner.. last for 1yrs

and she know who her friends will..

unlike mi when i broke up with my ex i happen to saw one of my ex secondary school mate she intro her friends to me.. and one of the girl is leb.. i use to like her and been in r/s but she using mi to socialize with friends and one of my friend bf use mi to break up with her and she befirend mi and now she happily attach and they still friend with the each other.. and i leave nothing.. i dunno who to hang out be locking my self and home and one of my secondary school the friend is flirt around one.. i just find nothing goes smooth in my life.. i regret beaking up with mi ex.. and he dunno why i break up with him until i cant hang with this stuff i call him up to patch but he already got new thai gf..

the girl friend use ppl to fuck the friend for fuck mi and my friend is the victim by my friend can mive on and be friend with her as they are on clique.. i was lately intro to this girl and my i got raped twice by different guy..

the other one was my secondary school friends is one of my that girl ex bf friend friend...

I lost friend l love hope.. i dun dare to work meet them or un a relationship... i want my ex bf back=(

and now i dont have the strength to work and i make my parents see mi from a normal girl but be can lidat that..

i so envy my two sis one can me up with friend a no worry.. the other is happily attach and gg to marry...

is like my two sis life being so smooth, and my friend and those asshole life being so smooth then mine..

and i happen to be close with one of the guy friend she said is my fault i was like want and she said who ask you to socialize but not mi is she the butch.. i just hate everything...

By elitpacktr at 08,Dec,12 16:35

Sometimes I will even keep a few specific blog posts open in my browser for days this post is one of them. I appreciate you taking the time and effort to share your thoughts with us.

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