LIFE SUCKS : 2011 February

i've had enough

my name says it all. i'm just a worthless piece of shit. my dad beat me. i hate him for that. he made my life suck. i'm ugly to boot. i have a BF, but who the fuck cares? I'm too old anymore. I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I've felt worthless since the day i was born. everyone is better than me. it's not like the world would be a better place without me, but i'd definitely be better off not being a part of this world. i want to go. i want to go away... permanently!! If I didn't have kids, i'd be outta here "BOOM"... in a hot minute. So there!! hahahaha

Don't even fucking care.

Or maybe I do. I don't even fucking know anymore. Picture this, been with the same woman for 7yrs, doesn't sound like much? That's a third of my damn life. I served her night and day, my social life suffered, I dropped outta high school so I could help support her and her dieing mother. Thank god I got a Good Enough Degree...worked my ass off doing under the table work and working fucking customer service. Trying, preying, begging I could save up enough money so I could give her a proper wedding.

I had to deal with her shit for how many years again? Her suicide attempts and her violence and her fucking insanity, all well holding a stiff upper lip while playing her shrink. The bitch leaves me...for some asshole twice her age and 200lbs of pure piggy fat bigger than me. Seriously? The dud can barely move under his own fucking power...but he was 'successful'...if he was such a goddamn success then why did he have to cheat on his wife of twenty years, lying to his children, to fuck some bitch as old as his youngest daughter?

So naturally, I was pissed... then this asshole started playing games. Arrested me on bogus charges. Stalking me after the bitch and I split, trying to get me in trouble with my boss..he won...the fucker won. I got fired...skip ahead a year and a half.

I thank god for a friend of mine, put up with my ass leeching off him for the past year as I been trying to pull my life back together. I have been looking for a job, but the ar...

fucked by uncle sam and every politician

go to work pay incredible taxes for nothing,get screwed buy a cheating wife for child support when shes the one who has affair lose everything I have ever worked fo. i get 123 dollars a month for my disability for serving our country and now have scars all over my face. havent seen my daughter for 15 years no point in continuing this.

I am so sad...

I am almost 50. Divorced. Kids - grown up and living in another town. Perents- dead. Sister in another town. Job - doesn't really feel good and fulfilling as it was. No friends. I am dating a married man - someone else's husband. I have debts. I don't earn enough money. I am lonely and unhappy. And the worst part is I do not have anything to keep me going. I feel my life didn't mean anything. And I have no hope for the future.

I guess my life is not as harsh as others, but here goes. When I was 4 (gross I know) I was sexually molested by my babysitter's husband. I still remember the feeling. My mom is always blaming me for everything wrong in her life, like her current boyfriend leaving her. My mom couldn't afford to keep my furniture, so I sleep on the couch. My phone is always being turned off because she can't pay the bill. I lost all of my friends in middle school. I have no real friends. Except for one who I don't talk to anymore. I'm 17 now. I only have my boyfriend, who I am sure, doesn't love me anymore, and is bound to break up with me soon. My mother and I constantly argue. The only family member I have is my mom. I never go to school anymore because I just hate facing these people at school.... I just want to be normal.

Something has got to give...

I'm stuck in a rut. I've spent the last 15 years training to be something I really don't care about or want to do anymore. Sure it was fun and challenging getting those various advanced degrees, but in the end, it just wasn't worth it. What a waste of time. What a waste of my life.

If only I enjoyed what I'm doing right now, the sacrifices (personal relationships, monetary) would have been worth it. Now, at 34, I'm alone, mediocre, and doing something that I don't believe in. I have no family, few to no friends, little to no chances at improving this situation if I stay like this. I'm just getting by, but barely.

I'm tired of being something that I'm not. I'm tired of not believing in myself and having no confidence. I'm tired of not going for what I really want in life. I realize that although I'm still relatively young, life is starting to pass me by faster than ever. I'm tired of not having the courage to just risk it all and go for broke. There's nothing holding me back but myself. I wish I was stronger, I wish I could just act.

I really have nothing to lose anymore. I don't want to quit life. I don't want to give up on myself. I just want to quit the life I currently have now. I just want to give up who I'm trying to be, and be the real me.

My current life does suck. To me at least.

But I've got to keep fighting.

shit.

my life sucks, it started to suck when my now ex-boyfriend broke up with me, almost a month ago after a 3 year relationship. Since then I haven't been able to sleep, eat, o even have a real good time with my best friends.
I used to like school, now I can't stand it, i'm not even interested anymore.. and I just got into college... I try to find it interesting but all I really want is to sleep, or die... or whatever. I like to think that with some time I'll get to feel better and better, but instead everyday gets worse. I have tried to fix things up with mi ex, but he's all confused about what he wants, and I just feel so tired of feeling like shit, i really really really want to die. I can't stand being alone and none wants to be with me all the time, because they've got other things to do. I feel like I'm dieing from the inside to the outside and I can't do nothing about it. I hate myself for making such a big deal out of something so stupid and so "easy" to get over, i'm usually not like this at all, but now I jus't can't control myself and I'm pretty sure I'm going crazy (literally) and I'm failing on everything I do, and failing my parents, apart from the fact that I don't really talk to them anymore, 'cus I think they'll want to talk about how much I suck at everything u_u

You think you have it bad

In the past two years I:

1. Lost my beloved husband when he died suddenly and tragically at the age of 48. He slipped on an icy patch, struck his head on the ice/pavement and suffered a major subdural hematoma. He was brain dead upon arrival to the emergency room. We buried him six days later.

2. Discovered that he had not written a will, or changed the beneficiary designations on his retirement accounts after his divorce from his first wife, and let a life insurance policy meant to benefit his (grown) children lapse.

3. Had his four daughters turn against me when their mother told them lies about me and even though I helped to raise them for the past ten years and treated them as my own, suddenly I was the “evil stepmother” out to take their inheritance away from them.

4. Had my in-laws turn against me when the aforementioned stepdaughters repeated the lies about me to them.

5. Had a sister in law and her husband turn against me and verbally pummel me with accusations at the dinner table one disastrous weekend.

6. Was removed by court order, at the behest of the same aforementioned stepdaughters, as the administrator of my late husband’s estate – and replaced by a court appointed substitute administrator who subsequently decimated the estate by selling the house for a pittance and pocketing a major portion of the proceeds as his “fee”.

7. Lost my well paying job as a result of all the stress I was un...

To all of you "I'm ugly, no one wants me, boo hoo" people out there...

So, here's my story. I'm 17 atm, higher-than-average intelligence, fluent in three languages, etc. Not even that ugly. But here comes the nasty shit.
About two years ago, I moved to another country, that saying, I have to mention that I also moved from middle class to being just plain poor. And oh the irony, the country I'm currently residing in has higher HDI than my homeland. And why did I move? Well, my dad, apparently, seeing that we "Have no future" in our homeland, sold everything we owed, even indebted us beyond reason and moved. Needless to say, it didn't go well. It took him a year to find a job, debts rose, in the mean time, my mom dumped his dumb ass, he lost the job, and now he's... I don't know what he's doing. But nonetheless, we're broke. And now... Well problems keep getting bigger and bigger, and if we return home (which is a possibility) I'm screwed. And I'm talking about the larger picture here, the future. Since the education system in my country is really hard, I would have to start from 1st year of high school, that means, I'm two years after my own generation, and that, my friends is completely unacceptable. Can't be done. So... I'm about to see my life go to waste. 'cause of what? Well... 'cause of bad decisions, bad parenting and more importantly OTHER PEOPLE'S STUPIDITY!
And I know bitching here doesn't help. But I'll feel better. And I hope you others will realize there are much worse things than being ugly or unpopular. Peace out!

Shame about life

Don't you just hate it when nothing quite goes the way that you've planned it. For years having the idea of exactly how you're gonna live your life and what you're gonna do to attain it. Oh no, you can't do it beacuse of one stupid little thing. FAIR ENOUGH. Go to your backup plan. Oh wait no sorry! The government has basically just said "screw you" and destroyed your backup plan.
Ok.... what do i do now?
Life sucks when you're lost and havn't got a clue how to be found again

man you haven't lived the hard life yet

yeah it sucks...

that's when you gotta pay for your own food, your own gas, your own cell phone bill, your own clothes, and then I get a car, and then on top of that, gotta pay insurance, and on top of that, gotta pay rent, and utilities, and now I'm broke to the point where I can't eat anything but Top Ramen cuz that's all I can afford

You are all just pawns

My life sucks.

The only times when I feel alright, when I feel like life is worth living, is when I'm high. It's like being in love. I'm a drug addict, but my addiction is only a pathetic attempt to cure what's really wrong with me. I need to fill a hole inside of me.

I can't process emotions when I'm clean. If a pretty girl is into me I'll think about making the move, shit I'll even get a boner, but I never will. I like to torture myself. I need to torture myself. If someone complements me I feel like telling them to fuck off. I don't need your approval. I don't care about my talents. All I need is $20 and maybe a hooker because I'm so fucking lonely. If someone smiles at me the best I can manage is a grimace. Smiling, nevermind feeling happy, is a physical and emotional struggle for me in the best of times. I day dream about getting high and manipulating my loved ones on a regular basis. Even in church I am haunted by my demons. The best of times for me are the worst of times for me. The worst of times are.........the best of times? Someone fucking silence me please.

That probably explains why I started I.V.'ing drugs at 21. Talk about making shit the worst of times. Previous to that I went through rehab at 19 for hard drugs, did AA and Na, met people in sobriety, blah blah blah. The recovery scene seems like a freak cult to me. But I know it really does help some people. But it isn't helping me yet. Like I said, I like ...

Drugs killed him

I had freind named Chris and he also one of my clas mates. We all had graduated high school together. I had seen everyone for about five years when i got the ym ivitation to my 5 year class reunion and in the letter it said that Chris was dead. I was notified about that. I talked to Share and she the chris killed the night before Mother's Day. He was doing drugs and his girlfreind Luara wanted him to stop or she going to leave him. He wouldn't and she was there when he pulled out gun and said I should kill myself if I can't have you and he pulled the trigger and it went off and killed him while he was high on drugs. Poor Luara had witness that. She remember until her dying day. No one should ever witness someone kill themself. The memories would too much for some folks.

Feel all the pain

I came here to just get out how I feel inside about my life, but when I started reading other people's stories, they really tore my heart out. All of you could be my sons or daughters or even me... and it's so sad that in this world some of us could feel so lonely and unlovable. Do I have a solution? No, unfortunately I don't. My life too is unbearable right now. I'm in my 2nd marraige and it has gone horribly wrong in a way that I never, ever could have predicted. Am I at fault? Yes, for at least half of the problems, if not more. I work in a low-paying job because of the choice I made 25 years ago to quit college. My youngest son is flunking out of school and I cry daily over what his life will be like without an education to carry him through. I have survived a physically and emotionally abusive first marraige, a horrible divorce, poverty, and even cancer but still have not found that "good life" that supposedly exsists. I truly believe that God is there, however I find His silence toward me (and toward all of you) very depressing. From what I've been taught to believe, God loves us as a father... but I can't imagine a father letting some of us bleed and live in pain like this. Some days it's very hard to just breath, let alone believe that life is more than pain.

yes, life is hard... I just ran out of alternative ways of looking at it

Well, at least I'm not alone with my type of situation, I see. Respect and understanding to everyone here telling their story.

As for me, I am 37 years old now. I've been married since 2002, but my wife is going to get her own place now (we currently own a home) in the next month or two. So she is leaving me, basically. She has a good job. I, however, have been working in construction with its wavy employment cycles, working my total behind off when work was plentiful, but often suffering when work was lean. I have no college degrees, and when college was available to me, I could not do it. Every time I seem to flunk out of everything.

At times it feels like a bomb goes off in my head, and for 2 months at a time I am nowhere... I can hardly think, function, etc. Then I get up again, work my butt off, and the same thing happens all over again. Then car notes, house notes, credit cards, in the end you feel so snowed in and you see no way out. You can project that for years to come you'll be in the same damn place and you can't get out. That really kills me most of all, when hope gets eroded from under you, as that will drain you energy and reserves, to where I crack again and become depressed and immobile.

So yes, I feel for my wife, having dealt with this for years. It's like I literally can't do it anymore, like this time around I'm just f*cked (excuse the language please). The only nice thing I had was my pickup which was quite new, and I part...

sad without a 3rd child

Well, I have just realized that i do not want to baby my husband anymore. i have been open to wanting a 3rd child despite 2 surgeries, and he just does not want more. I am mad at him because it is not about me or him, it is not about a want that is out there in a church telling us to make more kids, IT IS ABOUT US... and even if he does not think of haiving energy for the 3rd one... one can actually find help and resources.
i feel like shit when my friends keep having kids and we just have 2 boys... why am i so unworthy of having a third child.
i am simply broken hearted... both of us are depressed and i think it is because we just do not work together to resolve this disagreement.... i believe this would be the last baby we'd have but we need to have it.

Life sucks and there is no escape

My entire life has been hell on earth . I was molested 5 times when I was a kid by different girls/woman . Normally a man would not complain about that but it turned me into a sick fucking pervert . I can't even begin to divulge the things that I have done in my life without risking a very long prison sentence but I am sorry for everything that I have ever done ..please GOD forgive me .... Anyways with tears in my eyes I can say that I feel for every person who posts there story on this site I feel your pain . A life without meaning and without hope is no life at all and so we all continue forward with a sad existence clawing out some kind of pathetic reality .

My entire life I was bullied and made fun of for being ugly,awkward and just plain annoying . No matter what I tried I had no friends and even my own family could not stand me . Finally I grew up and found a woman who would marry me but I was so fucked up in the head i cheated on her none stop . eventually she left me and was again alone and desperate so I fucked everything in site and made terrible decisions for my life . So here I am in my 30's and I live with my mother , I dont have a car , I am morbidly obese , I am having heart problems , I am a shitty employee who could be fired at anytime and yet somehow I hope in some pathetic sad way life will get better and I will make amends with the things I have done in the past . That is all any of us have thought right ?? Some kind of desperate skewed perception of hope ..without hope we might as well find a noose and finish it .

Life, loss, futility - why am I not able to find what I need and deserve.

I am a 58 year old woman. I am terribly lonely and feel hopeless and terribly anxious. It is weird to say I am lonely when I am on my third marriage but circumstances have caused me to find out I don't know what to do anymore to make connections.

My first boyfriend, and you will see the revalancy later in this, was a sailor and I was an 18 year old virgin who had been beat by her mother and always verbally put down. He was like a god to me but treated me very bad at times, not physically but wouldn't talk to me for days on end when he was mad at me and I didn't try to make him mad. He also cheated on me and this broke my heart and made me doubt my faith in anyone or anything. He went over seas and I felt relief and someone nice asked me out and we got married before my first boyfriend came back to the U.S.
My marriage was okay for the first six months but I wondered if I had married him on the rebound. He started working nights and started having affairs. I tried to contact my first boyfriend but he had gotten married. I fantasized about him over the next 20 years and had forgotten all of the bad things about him. I divorced my first husband after 5 years. I met a really nice man who treated me well and I loved him dearly but he had a hard time getting a good job. I had some connections and he eventually went from no job to a very high paying jobs over ten or so years.every time he got fired I thought it wasn't his fault and because of the previo...

F.M.L.

I'm 19 and had a baby in Nov 2010 with a guy I'd been dating for about 2 years.
I've always had a problem with him drinking, but I was trusting him completely yesterday and just asked him not to get drunk because he had to drive home. He drank behind my back and lied to me about it when I caught him red handed. He would've driven me and our 3 mo. old baby while drunk if I hadn't caught him. Then we get home and he gets completely wasted. We sleep for 3.5 hours and baby wakes up to be fed. I ask him if he could make a bottle while I change her, and he cusses me out and says "get the f..k out". When it's MY apartment where he's been living for 4 and a half mos. free of charge. I even buy the food and gas and get up every morning at five to make him breakfast and pack him a lunch and drive him to work then back.
So he peed the bed because he was so drunk. When i got back into the bedroom to feed the baby, i tell him how unhelpful he is sometimes and he flips out cussing again, accidentally elbows the baby in her head, and throws the urine soaked comforter on top of us. One thing led to another and he was throwing my phone and his wallet and hangers at me while i'm holding the baby, so i put her in her crib where she's safe and tell him that i'm calling the police if he doesn't leave. he refuses to leave so i called the police. they didn't arrest him because i asked them not to. (he has an extensive criminal record and this would've been a vop and landed him in prison for at LEAST 3 yrs)
So, he gets home and I apologized for some reason. And he goes on to tell me that he doesn't really love me and he's just gotten used to me being there. How could I not feel used? And on top of that, he took my puppy and won't give him back.

Almost have it all.....

I am a very lucky young guy to have such a great loving wife. She works very hard and we have a nice comfortable life. I have given up my closeness with my family and everything plus moved twice to be with the woman I love. I have also left many great friends behind and the older I am getting, the harder it is to make a friend. My wife works alot and we moved to a new town so she could work less hours. Unfortunately, her hours have only gotten worse and we hardly see eachother anymore. So now its the same story of our last location except I dont have any friends here like I did there. When I do see her she is on her way to bed or just worked 4 day 14 hours shifts and does not want to talk. They have also been giving her night shifts and this month is like 30 days of night. I even try getting nocturnal so we can at least sleep in bed together. Needless to say, that our time together is like hanging out with an over worked stressed out zombie on crack. Or we fight about how much she is working and she keeps telling me it will get better for a year now. I told her that telling me that is not going to work anymore. She has a day off but she does not get off till 7am and then sleeps from noon to 9pm and then I am the zombie. She reminded me about the money today and I said what is it all for if we never see eachother and we are both so unhappy? I am very thankful to have a roof over my head and food to eat and so many blessings. You dont have to be broke to be alone and unhappy. I just dont want to be alone. I was not ment to be alone or I would not have gotten married. This house is not a home. I could pay another lonely person to hang out with me and that would be helping them and me? But the thougt of that just makes me feel more SAD and ALONE. I pray for a friend....